Author Archives: Farrah Berrou

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My Conscience Replies…

Upon request by some readers, the reply to My Letter to My Conscience:



Dear Me,

I’m going to answer this rationally and logically. I’m not your friend. Or I am, just not in the conventional way. I’m not going to help you bury a body, make pinky promises or cheer you on when you chug another flaming Lamborghini shot. I’m going to watch your back, encourage you to always tell the truth and believe in Santa Claus.

You’re all “live in the moment”, thinking you’re a reincarnated John Lennon with your “let it be” mantra. You are not John Lennon. Last time I checked, we were not born in the 40s, we are not the most famous member of the most famous band in music history and we do not take nude photos with Yoko Ono. I’m sorry for the imagery. 

Me, you are ungrateful. You seem to have forgotten the things that I have done for you. Remember when you wore whistle earrings and your colleague was all I-am-Flo-Rida and asked “Can I blow your whistle?” ? Remember how I stopped you from replying “No, it doesn’t work without balls.” ? Good choice in retrospect, if you ask me. Which you did. Or how about that time the McDonald’s delivery bag was left outside your building’s elevator because McDeliveryman didn’t want to carry the load up the stairs when the electricity cut. The smell of those fries enticed you and you thought “he’d never notice a missing happy meal.” He wouldn’t – but little Hassouna would and McDeliveryman would be out of a McJob because you couldn’t control your gastrointestinal urges. And your pepper spray will not save you if you decide to verbally destroy the Ed Hardy-clad inverted-collared casanova at the bar by telling him that he’s not Pinocchio: the wood isn’t going to grow, no matter how much he lies about the length. And let’s not forget the countless times I have to keep you from breaking out into a southern dabkeh whenever Chris Brown’s I Can Transform Ya comes on. Even you know that ain’t right.

I’m the one that needs to function the day after you make mistakes. While others are putting their life together, you’re still trying to find your matching yellow sock that goes with your banana T-shirt. I may have a lack of consistency but you have a lack of discipline. You can’t drink 4 Bonjus pineapple triangle juiceboxes and think you won’t need a bathroom in 20 minutes. You were spot-on when you said you are a child and I feel that JD’s theory about his relationship with Turk can be applied to ours if it were to go the way you wished: like a blooming onion, delicious but unhealthy. 

With all that said, it pains me to admit something: you are right. Perhaps I think too much. Maybe I need to loosen the reigns and just be your cheerleader. (Focus. If you start imagining kinky costumes, we are going to need so much therapy that even foster dad/husband Woody Allen would be telling you “that shit cray.”) I do want happiness. I want you to be thrilled with the life that you lead and, sometimes, I want you to take risks because playing it safe doesn’t always balance out. Sure, in the long run, it may be the more reasonable decision but reasonable security never outweighs unreasonable security. Some of the most beautiful things in life don’t make any sense: Salvador Dali paintings, love, and Matt Bomer’s sexual orientation. What a loss. 

It seems in some cases, sense is overrated and you just have to go with your gut. But please stay away from the chicken nuggets. 

Always here for you,
Conscience

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Do You Know Rocky Horror?

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Unlike others of my generation, I spent my preteen years watching VH1 and too many episodes of “Where Are They Now?”. Along with these marathons came weekends dedicated to old films that would spiral into cross-country events and festivals full of costumed fans – what has been called a “cult following.”

One of these was “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” When the movie was being promoted back when I first watched it (around the time when I was 11; I had a colorful childhood), I was not very interested but my own mother said “this is a movie you need to watch; you will not understand it but you won’t be able to NOT watch it.” One of those what-the-hell-am-I-watching-why-can’t-I-look-away creations, much like the Green Porno series. It was created in 1975 as a parody of B-movie, sci-fi horror films.

The festivals that go along with this movie are like the LOTR/Star Wars geekfests only everyone’s dressed up like they’re going to RuPaul’s bachelorette scrambled with a feather boa nightmare. Did I mention that the sweet transvestite is Tim Curry? Aka Nigel Thornberry? Aka the creepy rich dude in Charlie’s Angels? (not to be mistaken with creepy thin man with a hair fetish)

And the best part of this leather-clad sexual-innuendo ridden mess? It’s a musical.

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Bcharre, the home of Gibran

Sculpture of Gibran at Museum entrance

The mountains of Bcharre are known for being the land of red-roofed houses and Samir Geagea. It is also the birthplace of one of Lebanon’s greatest writers, Khalil Gibran. Bcharre, located near Ehden right below the Cedars, is a small town about a 2 hour drive north of Beirut.

If you continue on the main road of the town, you will come across an incline to the Gibran Museum. It’s a quaint little museum that seems to be built within the actual mountain. The elevation and enclosed space makes it a bit hard to breathe inside but the size ensures that you will get out before you faint. A collection of Gibran’s paintings, sketches and setups of his rooms/books are displayed in connected rooms that go in a circle. It’s a fun adventure that costs 5,000 L.L. (a bit more than $3) and it concludes with the tomb of the writer. Oddly enough, his bedroom is set up right outside his coffin.
The epitaph is inscribed on a slab of cedar wood:

“I am alive like you
And I now stand beside you
Close your eyes and look
Around you will see me
In front of you”

To which my little sister whispered: “but where? I don’t see him.”

View from Gibran Museum, Bcharre

The view from the museum is beautiful, overlooking the town of Bcharre and the Qadisha Valley. There is a woman who sells cedar souvenirs outside the museum – and, as usual, you can “carve” (burn) your name or whatever you like on whatever you like. There is a cafeteria with Flintstone-like architecture and a small giftshop at the end of the museum featuring small prints, cards and books of Gibran’s work. Whatever you buy is stamped much like Shakespeare & Company bookstore in Paris, France.

Shakespeare & Company – Paris, France
Gibran Museum stamp
Shakespeare & Company stamp

Gibran’s love letters to May Ziadeh are the Lebanese equivalent to Lord Beethoven’s. May Ziadeh was a writer of Arabic Literature who later became the owner and editor-in-chief of her father’s Egyptian newspaper, Al Mahrousah. An excerpt from Gibran’s letter to May on June 11th, 1919:

“I ignored all the other letters awaiting my return to my desk, in order to spend my day listening to your utterances, which alternate between sweetness and reprimand – I say reprimand because I found in your second letter some observations which, had I allowed them to, would have saddened my happy self. But how could I let myself dwell on a seeming cloud in an otherwise clear and starry sky? And how could I turn my eyes away from a blossoming tree to the merest shadow from one of her branches? And how could I object to a gentle stab from a perfumed hand full of precious stones?”

Bambi Spotted! (Gibran Museum)

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7 Tips for Harmless Anger Management

There are so many reasons for people to be angry lately. Irritation is in the air along with the humidity, the power cuts and the impending addition of Dwight Howard to the Lakers. Yes Kobe, you are going to be in his shadow and LeBron, you will never see another ring because the Lakers are now the Avengers of the NBA. Here are some breathing-in-a-brown-bag ways to relax your nerves without inflicting pain on anyone even though, deep down, everyone would love to do this once:

1. Play the Sims.

Create a character (or a few depending on your level of rage) and name them whatever you like. Feel free to make them resemble someone who’s been a source of annoyance to you. Your colleagues, your boss, that woman that took the last box of Raisinets, the guy who keeps violently blowing his nose right next to you – be as realistic as possible because it makes what comes next that much sweeter. Once you’ve moved your Sim into a nice cosy home, proceed to terrorize their artificial life. Make them order pizza and then delete the door on their home – they will crawl into the fetal position on the floor and cry. Make them go for a swim and then delete the ladder – they will rack up fitness points until they probably die of overexertion. Get creative. In reality, this hurts no one. Just don’t run around telling people how much fun you had last Saturday night torturing virtual people on your computer. You’ll look like a disturbed sadist and no one liked Buffalo Bill.

2. Rip Paper or Pop Bubble Wrap

Become the world’s most skilled human shredder. Not shredding humans, just shredding in general. Restaurant placemats are always good for this especially if that’s where you find yourself on the verge of nuclear meltdown. Where are my cheese fries? Why can’t I have game like Barney Stinson? He looks like the offspring of Sting and Julien Assange – How does that work? Stop asking me about my future. I DON’T KNOW WHY I LIKE RACCOONS. Where are the fries? Rip your frustrations into tiny smithereens until they’re just a pile of fibers. If you feel bad about wasting paper, collect it and donate it to a pet shop so it can be used to line the cages of poop-happy bunnies. Bubble wrap is harder to come by but works best when twisting it like you’re wringing out a wet towel…similar wrist movements that would be used for the decapitation of a Barbie doll.

3. Decapitate a Barbie Doll

It’s quite self explanatory. It might be hard to do if you don’t have younger siblings. Even if you do, they may not appreciate you going King Henry VIII on their toys. Therefore, replace the head with something else like a ping pong ball or a Mini Babybel. Maybe you should just replace the whole doll – then you can go all out and make the first one into a Mattel s’more at a bonfire.

4. Be Axl Rose

Choose your favorite loud angry song. “Sing” it alone in the car with the windows up. Scream your heart out. It actually doesn’t even have to be angry, just something with a high-pitched was-he-kicked-in-the-berries chorus. You must sing along or this is completely pointless. Suggestion:

5. Drive-Thru Car Wash

If in Lebanon, go to an IPT station that has the LASERWASH machine where you get to drive through an instant car wash. It takes 15 minutes and you get to stay in your car and watch it all happen. This is not the most fascinating thing since sliced bread but it’s still fun to watch all the foam and pressurized water go everywhere while you are safe inside. And they have multicolored polish that splats all over the windshield. If you enjoy color or have an unnatural level of natural stimulants in your system (no, not pot – if you’re just amused by “simple” things), you will clap and squeal. Bring a fun song for the experience. You should have a soundtrack for all things in life.

Do not use this machine if you’re sunroof is broken. It happens, okay?

6. Listen to This, on REPEAT

Listen to it over and over until you’ve memorized the words and you’re laughing at how ridiculous you are. It will be stuck in your head and you will piss off everyone else because your incessant humming will make it stuck in their heads too.

7. Just Dance

Another example: learn from one of the best crazy people out there. In this film (What Women Want), Gibson’s character has hit a wall after his promotion goes to a woman. Play this at 28s.

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Bambi’s Boxes, Part I.

LV display in London, UK back in April ’12

I have decided to dedicate a part of this blog to a somewhat overlooked art (in the country): display design. As defined by TheFreeDictionary, display design is

 
“a field of the decorative arts that includes the temporary festive decoration of streets, public squares, and industrial sites; window dressing; and the design of decorations and displays for demonstrations, public holidays, athletic events, parades, and various types of exhibitions. Display design makes use of the expressive resources of architecture, sculpture, painting, graphics, theater, film-making, and lighting. It thereby provides the most large-scale examples of a synthesis of the arts. Display design interacts with the existing architecture but, in contrast to it, usually has agitational content.”
 
In other words, it’s the conceptual thought that goes into the vitrines that make selling products more visually stimulating. The posts revolving around this subject (titled Bambi’s Boxes since vitrines are essentially boxes) will depend on how often I discover an intriguing display in Lebanon and how long/if I can gather some background info about the creator(s) behind it. Given that displays do not change frequently, these posts will probably be about once or twice a month and if you’re not a fan of this sort of thing, there’s still the usual lists, film clips, letters and random ramblings that will continue to be posted regularly. 
 
So without further ado, I’m going to start this off with one of the giants in display design: Louis Vuitton. 
 
LV in Beirut, Lebanon in February ’12

This past year, they have had vitrines with giant cupcakes, white carousel horses (seen above), and multicolored arrows. Like every smart brand, they’re vitrines are identical in all their stores across the world – but not to the same degree or a complete copy/paste layout. Based on size of the shop and structure of the window, they can vary in arrangement. Sometimes, the design is applied on the interior of the store as well, being incorporated into the presentation of the products. The themes are usually concepts coming from commissioned artists. 



Worldwide this season, LV has a pop-up collaboration with Yayoi Kusama, a Japanese artist, and it’s all about tentacles – her work shows her obsession with the idea of accumulation. Using this, Louis Vuitton partnered with the artist to create a new polka dot collection. The “Polka Dot Artist” is also featured within some of the displays in dolled up mannequin form. She looks like a Japanese Anna Wintour. These pop-up stores are featured in Singapore, Hong Kong’s Pacific Place (until Sept. 8), Tokyo Shinjuku Isetan (until July 31), Tokyo Dover Street Market (until Aug. 26), New York Soho (until July 31), Paris Le Printemps Department Store (Aug. 23-Oct. 21) and London Selfridges Department Store (Aug. 24-Oct. 19). You can check out the collection here.


The vitrines feature tentacles and venus flytrap-like plants with eye ball centers that allude to Little Shop of Horrors creatures in my opinion. Here’s a trailer of the movie so you can see what I mean:



The vitrines in Beirut now:

 




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PaperCards at Papercup

In Mar Mikhael, the artsy fartsy district of Beirut, there is an art bookstore called Papercup. It is already well-known by people who it caters to: designers, artsy folk, hipsters and foreigners. It’s a small place and hard to find if you haven’t been there before.

Directions: Drive down Gouraud Street in Gemmayzeh until it eventually joins the main road of Mar Mikhael (Alexandria Street), past EDL. Keep going until you get to the road between SEAT and Pharmacie Cilicie on your left. Park and walk down that road (unless you want to be Lebanese and drive the wrong way on a one way street) and take a left.

There on the right side you will see Papercup.

They have a couple of shelves of magazines, a frequently restocked collection of art books as well as a mini cafe inside. Personally, my favorite part of the whole shop is the assortment of greeting cards and stationery: a bit by Lebanese designers but mostly imported. I have a hard time finding great cards for occasions (or just for the heck of it because it’s a sad obsession of mine), so this is a nice find when you want a card that’s original and isn’t drowning in cheesy cliches. They’re a bit on the pricey side, each card running at an average of $6 – but in all fairness, Hallmark cards are around the same if not more only they’re lame. 

My cards

 Once you’re done looking around, whether you’ve found something or not…You can go across the street to Frosty’s Palace, Papercup’s owner’s sister’s place. It’s small so you may have to wait if full but it’s got meaty burgers and milkshakes which are pretty meaty and delicious respectively, if you decide to forego the cheddar (with the burger at least?).

With cheddar could be good too, I’d have to go back for further investigation just for you guys. I’m such a trooper, I know.

Random factoid: they have environmentally friendly straws made out of cardboard. 
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My Letter to My Conscience

Dear Conscience,

We can’t go on this way. Agreeing to disagree is not the best strategy to apply to our relationship; after all, we need to agree on the majority of situations that we come across. I can’t handle having another facet to my multifaceted personality, six is my threshold.

We need to agree and, when that cannot be done, we need to compromise but, ultimately, when we make a decision, we need to stand by it. This is what I am writing to you about: your lack of consistency. You always know what I want and I think part of you wants it too, but you’re not as straightforward. You are vague and confusing; always thinking about the unforeseen consequences that may never materialize. In all honesty, I think you think too much. It is better to regret the things you do than to regret the things you don’t do. 

You see, if we are in agreement, then what we say/think will match what we do. If we are not in agreement, then I will probably be beating myself up with a figurative frying pan at some point due to mere acts of poor judgment and stupidity. You are supposed to help me. If we agree on these acts as being justified then they are no longer stupid. If we always agree, everybody wins. It is only when we disagree, that I am caught in guilt quicksand: the more I attempt to defend my actions, the more you bury me in grains of reason and logic. We need to work as a team. We can enjoy every day if you and I work together. If we’re on the same page, if we speak the same language, we could be great. It’s like that time I learned that “montgolfiere” meant hot-air balloon in French instead of fiery Mongolian. Something that has so much potential is, in reality, quite disappointing because it was lost in translation. That analogy actually makes no sense but I’m on a roll, don’t hate.

I don’t care if you don’t care and you don’t care if I don’t care but I do care and you do care but we keep acting like we don’t care. Let’s stop the madness. Come to think of it, technically, everything I’ve ever done wrong is your fault because you were there when they happened. Don’t put on a blindfold, call it impulse and feed me to the dogs. Take my hand. Be the weight that keeps me from flying away, that keeps me on the ground. You could be happy, too.

I am a child. I will do what I want when I want unless you tell me otherwise. So don’t. Next time we are contemplating overnighting for my unpaid internship, you must agree that it’s worth it. Do not tell me that I am not being paid to do such a sacrifice, the lack of sleep will not help me sell my idea during the presentation that day, and that no one hires a zombie. Next time I want to go to happy hour with some friends in the middle of the week, you must agree that I need to have some time to wind down. Do not tell me that happy hour never really ends at 8pm, that I shouldn’t be consuming so much cheap alcohol, or that those bar nuts have been touched by other nuts by association.

I trust your intuition because I know that you know better – although I’m not sure why since you’ re already the voice inside my head *cue Blink 182*. You’re the rational one. That’s supposed to be a strength because so many feel that emotions are a source of weakness. I think we both know that Heart has betrayed us before. She is sincere and passionate and life is so intense when she overpowers Brain. And then we almost lose Brain because Heart is bungee jumping off of cliffs for kicks. Good times. Anyway, rational. It’s better, at least until you can figure out a balance once the scraps from the heart paper shredder are taped back together. You are there to look out for me but don’t rain on our parade. Let’s just agree to be happy…within reason.

With love,
Me

Read the reply from my conscience…

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Pam Ferris, You are My Hero

Much like another Ferris previously spoken about, this Ferris is quite the character. The difference is that this Ferris is real and the fictional character that she played in a film is the one being appreciated. Upon looking at her photograph, it may be difficult to guess just which character I am referring to…

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The character is Mrs. Trunchbull from the movie Matilda. 



My favorite scene is the cake scene but there’s no full clip of it available except for this parody with one of my favorite car songs.

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8 Things You Learn from TV Shows

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1. Being a medical intern is all about finding your soulmate. Myocardial infarction or feeling like your penguin pebble has been tossed through the grinder; no matter what, emotionally and medically, all that matters is your heart.

2. Vampires are sexy in that tortured brooding way. Sure, they want to drink your grandma like a margarita at a Las Vegas poolside but they will always love you rather than want to kill you because you’re “different.” That means you smell like cabbage.


3. A song by Kings of Leon will always be one of the featured tracks on your soundtrack.


4. No matter how dramatic life gets…teenage pregnancies, prostitution, theft, drug abuse, cancer…there will always be gwackamoley. 


Oscar from 90210 (where’d he go?)
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5. All murders can be solved in 45min with 2 commercial breaks because there’s always an obvious clue pointing to the killer. Come on, you all knew that the stuffed animal under the bed was a clue that the guy in Florida was raising bears to be trained killers so he could get away with smuggling dolphins into Maryland. 


6. In life, you have 8 people to choose from as a romantic partner because everyone else are just extras. Use, reuse and recycle, it’s fine. If you’re true friends, all they’ll want is for you to be happy with their ex, who technically was your ex first but high school doesn’t count. It’s like playing musical chairs with hormones.


7. There will always be that one friend that will have random bursts of awkwardness that will either a.) get you kicked out of a swanky restaurant or b.) get you free dessert from said swanky restaurant. You’re not sure where their fits of inspiration come from but they are the ketchup to your group of fries; always adding some flavor. 


8. There are other quirkballs out there. Even if it’s a fictional TV show, someone had to write that stuff. You’re not alone. 

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You Don’t Know Jack

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Carpe Diem. YOLO which brings on FOMO. Quarter-life crises. An attack by fortune cookies. Those Pinterest pages with pictures that have white Helvetica text across the center with titles of “Stuff I wanna do before I die.” They all make you feel like you’re just not living in the moment. You’re not taking advantage of everything that could be done with your life right now. AND they’re reminding you that you could die today and all you’re doing is sitting behind your computer screen. Jeez.

Well, like I always say, since we’re becoming scatterbrained jugglers who lose those mental golden nuggets of genius every time we blink (we cleverly call ourselves multitaskers when really we’re on the verge of cranial explosion), write it down. And be realistic about it so start small. Let’s face it; we are not going to go on a fully-paid trip with Jack Nicholson narrated by Morgan Freeman only to be placed in a tuna can at the top of Mount Everest. Instead of writing a bucket list for your whole life which would include things that probably require you to sell a few organs and your first-born, write a list for this season. Instead of “bucket list,” call it “subtle list” since all these things are subtle: not obvious and not drastic actions. Honestly, it’s also because the word “subtle,” when pronounced correctly in English, means “bucket” in Arabic. So totally creative.

So let’s try to avoid qualitative things like “be more outgoing” because there’s no proof that you really did that and it’s very subjective. Asking the waiter for an extra maraschino cherry is not being outgoing. Plus, it could be misread you clueless naughty minx, you.

Include things that require action and can be documented but are actually doable.
Here are some of mine:

1. Try tequila gummy bears (Usually, they’re made with vodka but I’m going to experiment with an alternative)
2. Read at least 15 books
3. Make an abstract self portrait out of business cards from the places you went
4. Graffiti a wall (not that I’m encouraging illegal behavior – long live Banksy)
5. Videotape an entire typical day of your life and watch it – see what you learn about yourself
6. Send a postcard to P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney
7. Ride the Teleferique to Harissa
8. Dress up with Kanye swagger
9. Take a picture with a live zoo animal
10. Learn how to do the fast Lebanese dabkeh

Guillaume Apollinaire said “now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy” so don’t forget to soak it all in because, you know, you could die today.