You Don’t Know Jack


Carpe Diem. YOLO which brings on FOMO. Quarter-life crises. An attack by fortune cookies. Those Pinterest pages with pictures that have white Helvetica text across the center with titles of “Stuff I wanna do before I die.” They all make you feel like you’re just not living in the moment. You’re not taking advantage of everything that could be done with your life right now. AND they’re reminding you that you could die today and all you’re doing is sitting behind your computer screen. Jeez.

Well, like I always say, since we’re becoming scatterbrained jugglers who lose those mental golden nuggets of genius every time we blink (we cleverly call ourselves multitaskers when really we’re on the verge of cranial explosion), write it down. And be realistic about it so start small. Let’s face it; we are not going to go on a fully-paid trip with Jack Nicholson narrated by Morgan Freeman only to be placed in a tuna can at the top of Mount Everest. Instead of writing a bucket list for your whole life which would include things that probably require you to sell a few organs and your first-born, write a list for this season. Instead of “bucket list,” call it “subtle list” since all these things are subtle: not obvious and not drastic actions. Honestly, it’s also because the word “subtle,” when pronounced correctly in English, means “bucket” in Arabic. So totally creative.

So let’s try to avoid qualitative things like “be more outgoing” because there’s no proof that you really did that and it’s very subjective. Asking the waiter for an extra maraschino cherry is not being outgoing. Plus, it could be misread you clueless naughty minx, you.

Include things that require action and can be documented but are actually doable.
Here are some of mine:

1. Try tequila gummy bears (Usually, they’re made with vodka but I’m going to experiment with an alternative)
2. Read at least 15 books
3. Make an abstract self portrait out of business cards from the places you went
4. Graffiti a wall (not that I’m encouraging illegal behavior – long live Banksy)
5. Videotape an entire typical day of your life and watch it – see what you learn about yourself
6. Send a postcard to P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney
7. Ride the Teleferique to Harissa
8. Dress up with Kanye swagger
9. Take a picture with a live zoo animal
10. Learn how to do the fast Lebanese dabkeh

Guillaume Apollinaire said “now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy” so don’t forget to soak it all in because, you know, you could die today.

One thought on “You Don’t Know Jack

  1. Pingback: My 15th Year in Lebanon | Bambi's Soapbox

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