Category Archives: Lists

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10 Good Things LAU Has That Its Students Keep a Secret


1. Kaak at Upper Gate. A small little food cart near the entrance to Malik’s Bookshop serves up the traditional Lebanese kaak squished in an antique George Forman grill so it’s toasty and pancaked. It’s sliced in two pieces so you can conveniently eat it in between classes. It’s got kiri cheese spread, tomatoes and angel tears. And you can add harr, or chili pepper, for zing.


2. Nescafe. A van parked outside Upper Gate pumps out more caffeine than all 4 Starbucks located within the 5 mile radius of the campus. It’s good and cheap like Manara’s Uncle Deek.


3. There is no Upper Gate and Lower Gate. This is just to differentiate two entrances but there is hardly enough incline between them to differentiate them based on elevation like AUB’s two gates. But there are stairs between them. Just not the kind that will make your kidneys cry.


4. The library. It’s huge and loaded with tons of books that are virtually unopened because they’re so new. It’s got spinning reclining chairs and you’re allowed to eat snacks inside.


5. The lack of Bliss Street right outside. The strip of food franchises does not exist which saves your ass from becoming a bigger one.


6. Much like Avis Rent-a-car’s old campaign, the fact that LAU is second best in Lebanon (in general reputation at least) makes them try harder. They’re always trying to be better.


7. Around the big holidays, they go the extra mile with decorations and figurines. The number of poinsettias during the Christmas season is enough to make it seem like the reproduced December-inspired scene from Wizard of Oz where Dorothy is in a sea of flowers on her way to the Emerald City…or Nicol Hall in this case.


8. Socrate Catering in the cafeteria. And for basically any other social event held on campus. Who doesn’t love bite-size everythings?


9. Free printing. The library and certain department labs allow for free printing up to a specific amount (in the hundreds, and thousands for paper-loving majors).


10. Financial Aid and Honor Scholarships for high cGPAs. Although most people think of LAU as being the snobby-rich-kid university that has valet parking (that’s actually not for the university), it helps out a lot of the students financially if they deserve it. 

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8 Pet Peeves that Occur Within the Confines of Your Own Room

1. The laptop charger keeps falling out of the socket every time you place your buttocks far enough that you have to get up to go back and plug it in.


2. You get settled in under the covers with just the right arrangement of pillows fluffed around your head and you found that cool spot that you put one foot on, while the other one just barely pokes out of the blanket. You’re about to sleep and then you realize…your light is still on.


3. You slam the door shut only to hear that magic “click” that means that stupid little part of the lock that’s supposed to keep the door shut (the bolt?) has gone rogue and kamikazed itself against the doorframe…and your door nonchalantly swings back open. If it could sing, it would be doing a wonderful rendition of that annoying taunt classmates used to do when you’d play tag and they’d make it to “safe” before you got them.


4. Your closet door has learned from his rogue relative. As you rummage through drawers and various items of clothing, the closet door insists on stealthily creaking open every time you try to close it. If you’re lucky, it’ll hit you in the bum when you’re not looking. Repeatedly.


5. The window is open because it’s sunny and there’s a breeze instead of the thick humidity monster typical of those impending sticky summer months of doom. The air is nice until it decides to send your papers flying across the room. It’s never as whimsical as it seems in the movies.


6. LeBron James ain’t got nothing on you. That ball of a failed masterpiece is going to make it into the trashcan without you even trying. Hell, you wish it could swish for you. Why did it just bounce off the rim? I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU JUST COSTED US GAME 7. Kobe gets MVP. AGAIN.


7. The drapes have gone all Angelina-at-the-Golden-Globes, allowing that beautiful sunlight to splash on your head…wonderful rays of happiness. Only problem is it’s still 6:30 am and those slits in the drapery could very well be the slits in your wrists since you’ve got another hour before that alarm goes off like a steamboat is coming straight for your face. 


8. The alarm goes off like a steamboat is coming straight for your face. 

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10 Excuses To Be Unproductive That Only Make Sense in Your Head

Source

1.) You just ate lunch and you need to digest before you can do anything that requires a lot of brainpower. Because your brain didn’t absorb all the power of the falafel sandwich yet.

2.) It’s 4:48pm, you might as well wait until it’s 5:00 on the dot to start working because the 12 minutes won’t really make a difference and you don’t like working at weird time intervals that are not multiples of 5…or 30.

3.) You didn’t have your coffee yet and, therefore, you are about as useful as a chewed-on unsharpened pencil without an eraser.

4.) You paid a lot of money for that playstation/xbox/wii. It’d all be in vain if you didn’t use it. There are children dying in Africa.  You should appreciate what you have.

5.) The task at hand was only a suggestion. You don’t HAVE to do it today. Or ever.

6.) It’s Thursday. That’s practically the weekend. It IS the weekend in Saudi Arabia.

7.) You’re just resting your eyes.

8.) You’re always told to seize the moment, don’t waste your time doing mundane tasks that no one will remember in 6 months. Carpe diem and stuff. You’re not going to flunk that class or get fired just because you decided to live…off of food stamps.

9.) You need to tweet some interesting links because social media is the new way to market yourself and stay up-to-date and connected. Everyone knows the latest way to a quick hire is tweeting about trending topics and #mileypregnant.

10.) You need to download new music so you can have a soundtrack for when you start working.

Thanks for reading this and being really productive.

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10 Signs You’re Having a Beiruti Morning

You wake up and there’s no electricity.
You spend a few minutes hoping that a fairy will drop some magic dust into the gasping generator since it’s run out of fuel due to the last stint of electricity cuts.
After realizing you’re going to be late if you just wait for a basic utility to appear at the flip of a switch (silly rabbit), you pray your humidified hair does not need any coiffing that may need electric devices. However, it does so you decide that you’ll just shower and air-dry only to find that…
Because there’s no electricity, there’s no hot water.
Desperate times call for desperate measures and you think, “what’s a little cold water?” but then the weak water pressure makes you feel as if a Martian has decided to suck your brain out through your hair follicles.
Once you eventually make it to your car, you find that a neighbor has blocked yours. You proceed to call, honk and buzz the dead intercom incessantly just to wake them up so they can move their chariot while giving you dirty half-asleep looks as they mumble charming words about your mother and sister.
Driving through the streets, wondering how anyone else on the road has a license or a car for that matter, a pointy shoed human on a motored scooter zooms by and hits your side mirror. He yells at you for not using said mirror and speeds off with his cow-licked hair glued to his head as he pulls a wheelie.
The “policeman” directing traffic waves his hand, which you assume, means go but actually means he’s waving hello to the van driver next to you. He then pounds on the hood of your car making monkey noises because you misunderstood his stop signal. You fake a smile, look at yourself in his reflecting aviators and mumble charming words about his mother and sister as you drive on ahead anyway.
You are already running late when the service/taxi in front of you insists on pausing every 2.3 seconds so that he can see if the pedestrian needs a ride to a destination that he feels like driving to. Therefore, even when there isn’t traffic, there’s traffic and you contemplate what it would be like to live in a world where there are metros.
Finally, you’ve reached the parking lot. But it’s full because you’re late. There’s no way he can squeeze you in and after you see him shove a Yukon into a spot tighter than Joe Jonas’ pants, you figure you’re better off.
Or not.
You go around and around and around. Circle after circle, you eventually find a spot to park on the street and have no change for the meter. You walk over to the forn (bakery) nearby, buy a manoushe and Pepsi and get a 500LL in return. You pay the meter and lean against your car and take a deep breath. The smell of the zaatar/dough fills your nose as the oil drips out of the bottom of the paper wrapped around your breakfast and you think, 
“God, I love Beirut.”
Manoushe & Pepsi
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My Top 5 Hamra Coffee Shops

Seeing that I spend most of my time setting up camp in coffee shops around Hamra, I thought I’d list my Top 5 in random order and share my knowledge of these little establishments:
1. Cafe Younes


This cozy slice of intellectual heaven is located up the left mafra2 before Roadster if you are going in the direction of the car traffic. I’m starting with how to get there because that’s usually the first thing people have a problem with. Now, Cafe Younes is basically a very good example of what many think Hamra embodies: Its full of foreigners and Lebanese intellectuals (pseudo or not is up to you to decide) who are soaking up some knowledge at one of the nearby universities and spend time reading or discussing Somalia while sipping on a latte. I’m serious. However true this might be, Cafe Younes is home to many studying students and laptop lovers pecking away while they inhale some grub. Which, by the way, is quite good. There are a few good couches, some high stools and tables, a garden style outdoor area complete with iron chairs that are comfortable for about 30min tops- BUT, if you want the good stuff, go upstairs where there’s 4 laptop stations and the best loveseat in town. The loveseat’s in the corner and has two outlet plugs to the left plus 2 armchairs facing it (you’re lucky if you get all 3). You can easily fall asleep there. I have.
What to order: everything I’ve tried has been awesomesauce but I recommend the Chicken Thyme Club, Maple Syrup Pancakes, or the Halloumi Sandwich. Peach Ginger Tea!
Warning: it gets really crowded so if you’re anal about noise then don’t go here if you need optimum silence for concentration. They do have free wifi for 2hrs if you ask for a password – it’s alright, a bit slow and gmail needs to reload 64x because of it but you can manage. Every first Wednesday of the month, there’s a Poetry reading at around 8 – it also gets a bit loud since they insist on using microphones to read their masterpieces. There are some good ones and some are just…entertaining. Michael Dennison, a creative writing teacher at AUB, reads his stuff and its got its own pizzazz, if you will.
Extra tidbit: they just opened a new branch facing AUH near Blue Building-its got the same menu but it’s a bit more dine-oriented and less I’m-going-to-live-here-for-the-next-6-hours.
2. Gloria Jean’s


If you take a right before Roadster and turn right at the COOP, then you’ll end up at Gloria’s. This place is pretty roomy but tends to be full during midterm/final exam weeks. It’s quieter than others and they’ve got their fair share of comfy seats. They offer a frequent-flyer-mile punch card so that you eventually get a free cup of joe, I’ve finished two so it does come as a nice bonus at some point. They ask for your name if you’re sticking around so when your order is ready, they yell it out so you can come get it. They have wifi stubs for 2hrs- also not the fastest around but it’ll do if you need to check some stuff.  Their food isn’t for the starving but there’s enough to choose from to get you full plus their cakes are supplied by Sugar Daddy’s: Chocolate chocolate, chocolate vanilla and RED VELVET with that orgasmic frosting (no sexual innuendo intended) so it tastes like you’re eating a gigantic cupcake. The slices are pretty generous for 5000LL.
What ELSE to order (because the cake should be a no brainer): poppy seed bagel with jalapeno cream cheese, mixed berry chiller
Mixed Berry Chiller + Red Velvet Cake Slice
(nom nom nom)
Warning: if you’re a group of people who want to study and will probably be loud, go somewhere else because Gloria’s is calmer and the others won’t appreciate your normal Arab inside-voices while their inhaling lecture notes.

Extra tidbit: the zaatar crisps near the cash register are nice to take home and eat with some labneh the next morning!
Wall Art at Gloria’s

3. Brisk


Brisk is located on the main street of Hamra near LaSenza and Crepaway, across from Aldo. Everything they make is fresh and organic; it resembles Pret in London in that its mostly self-serve but also has hot dishes. They also now have a mini-Gloria Jean’s inside so you can hit two birds with one stone if you want their coffee and Brisk’s food. Their wifi is better than others and you don’t need to deal with a sign-in code and I’m pretty sure its unlimited time wise. There’s wooden tables, a tall bar with high chairs, a couple couches and a nice little corner spot in the back. Noise fluctuates depending on how crowded it is and where people are sitting because I think its got some funky acoustics (that or there are just some really loud Americans from time to time).
What to order: Protein loaded salad or the cold Chicken Cobb Sandwich
Warning: they can be a bit pricey especially when it comes to beverages (waters for 1500, soft drinks for 3000) but your wallet-conscience is soothed when you remember you’re not hoovering a BigMac

Extra Tidbit: they have a recycling center for all their packaging and bottles so its environmentally friendly
Fruit Cups
4. Caribou Coffee

This place is a double story coffeehouse on the corner of the main street of Hamra before H&M and one of the 23 Vero Modas. The coffee is not my favorite but, then again, I’m not a huge coffee drinker. Ironic post, I know. To be honest, their paper cups and handwritten scribbles on the glass are what won me over. 
Paper Cups with Scribbled Answers to “What do you stay awake for?”
Scribbles on the glass
During the Christmas season, they had really cute napkins too. Apparently they are open 24/7, which is a rare find in this country. They also have free wifi but I have yet to try it.
What to Order: I really haven’t gone enough times to give a fair recommendation of what’s a definite choice. I’ll have to get back to you on that; however, the staff is pretty helpful when you’ve got a clueless dumbfounded look on your face.
Warning: The wooden chairs are stiff enough to keep you conscientiously at work but can be a literal royal pain in the arse after a while. Try to get a couch if you’re in it for the long haul.
Extra Tidbit: rumor has it, their cheesecake is imported from The Cheesecake Factory in the States. They’re not too bad and go for around 9,000LL a slice.

5. Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf
Festive Paper Cup & Brownie
If you find yourself at the beginning of the main road, then skedaddle on over to this franchise that comes all the way over from California. It’s before Kababji & Dunkin and across from Chopsticks. The bar is nicely setup and they’ve got really nice gift-sets for those tea-fanatics in your life. They’ve got matching tins with different flavors all packaged together. One that stuck out was “Red Velvet Powder” for baking and such. Is it obvious that I have a weakness for red velvet? Anyway, they’ve also got a frequent-flyer-mile punch card – after 12 coffees, you get a free one. When you’re done ordering you get this pager that looks sort of like a taser; it buzzes when your order is ready to be picked up at the bar. Be careful with those things, they scare the heck out of you. Internet is regular IDM.
What to Order: Vanilla Latte, I give the brownie a B-
Warning: It’s a bit of a walk if you’re near AUB or LAU so if you’ve got a lot of luggage with you and don’t feel like making the trip/don’t have time, then get in the car and park closer or go somewhere nearer to you.
Extra Tidbit: Go for the brown suede seats. Trust me, you sink and they’re the right kind of soft for when you’re trying to concentrate or just chill out. Also open in Zaitunay Bay.

Just so you don’t start telling me that I left out all these other places in Hamra – I am aware that there a tons of other coffee spots but I’m just focusing on the ones that I frequent so here’s an extra one just for kicks: If you’re not all about boycotting, the best thing about the Starbucks on the main street is that it has 3 levels- top floor is ideal study space and really comfortable but not well lit in some places. The ground floor is your typical Starbucks space and the underground level is very intimate. So much so that I wouldn’t be surprised if couples take advantage of the private corners and subdued dimmed lights. But like all Starbucks branches, Internet is not free.




UPDATE: Gloria’s has discontinued their frequent flyer mile card. And their spiced ginger bagel crisps are awesomesauce. 
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10 Things You Learn After Graduating from AUB

  1. You are going to claim that the new children (students) aren’t supposed to be sitting at the spot you and your friends territorially peed all over during your 3-4 years on campus.
  2. You realize you probably didn’t need to leave the stacks/ma2bara for coffee/red bull/chocolate runs every hour and a half.
  3. Real life outside the AUB bubble is much faster and lonelier during that awkward post-grad tadpole-becoming-a-frog period.
  4. You think your AUB degree can take a figurative crap on all other Lebanese university degrees.
  5. You miss the way the smell of Dunkin used to fill the crevices of Main Gate at 7 in the morning.
  6. You will never forget that time you joked about Abu Naji having everything from Panadol to Band-Aids…and found out it was true
  7. No patch of grass will ever be as awesome as that of the Green Oval. Normal grass that is.
  8. Finding a parking spot in Beirut is always going to be a problem…for the rest of your life.
  9. AUB cats are genetically mutated to be cuter than other strays from “the outside”. And they used mind control to steal your Bliss House Spicy Chicken.
  10. You secretly hope that one day there will be a really uncomfortable green bench with your name on the gold plaque.