Also check out the awesomesauce version of the song with Lupe Fiasco here.
The pub crawl stench. This is not restricted to the summer season but tends to increase in intensity during vacation periods due to pubs’ desire to fill their venues to maximum capacity. That combined with humid weather and weak air conditioning/ventilation gives you the pub crawl stench that infests your skin and clothing on a night out. It is a combination of cigarette smoke, perfume, deodorant, and various body odors all mixing together thanks to the close proximity boundaries that don’t exist in the Bei. God help you if you come home and can’t shower.
2. Vape
Pronounced as “VAP”, this is the anti-mosquito magic that most households use. It comes in different forms, but my new favorite is the “wheel” that you light and burn like incense – sorta smells like it too. In Arabic, they’re referred to as “douwaleeb”, or tires, so it goes right along with the newest trend of burning tires.
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| Vape douleb (singular for tire) |
3. Masheweh & Fahim
This means “barbecue and coals.” As is tradition during the summer months – people take advantage of the sunny weather and decide to grill all organs and slabs of meat on a man’al, a rectangular shaped open grill with groves so skewers rest over the coals. It can be anything – chicken, beef, lamb – and of any nature – filet, lungs, wings, etc. It’s commonly known as “kebabs” to the outside world. The side-effect smells are charcoal, garlic and possibly onions if you eat too much fattoush salad.
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| Source |
4. Brakes
The smell of the car brakes after driving up and down mountain roads. The Lebanese version of a roadtrip is to drive up to a village or spot up in the mountains where it’s a bit cooler, sit around and have some masheweh and beer. Majority of the cars owned in this country are not made for off-roading since having smaller sedans is ideal for living in a city that ignores the idea of parallel parking or traffic laws. Therefore, these roadtrips (that actually consist of you driving for two hours tops since Lebanon is smaller than the state of Connecticut) destroy your brakes and “re7it freimet” (the brakes smell) accompanies you on your return down the mountain.
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| Source |
5. Coconut/Carrot Cream or Johnson’s Baby Oil
Coconut/Carrot tubs of cream are these orangey/brown buckets of stuff that people use poolside. They’re popular but the staple here for becoming brown is Johnson’s Baby Oil, the tanner’s elixir of life. The suntanning folk here tend to swim in it first before swimming in actual water. When I used it once, I felt like a baking chicken that is asking to look like I fell into KFC batter by age 40. Nevertheless, many other people enjoy the deep brown color it seems to help create in the now. I admit that it is a nice hue (with moderation) but it’s not safe medically – I prefer SPF and not looking like Magda in There’s Something About Mary.
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| Johnson’s Baby Oil Shelf |
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| Magda – Source |
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| Vintage Jag. |
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| Phantommmm. |
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| Jag. |
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| Aston Martin on the left. Yum. |
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| Classic. |
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| Clay Figures. |
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| More Clay Figures. |
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| Phonebooths. |
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| Inside the booth. |
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| Richard Branson! |
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| Vintage Sewing Machine. |
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| Beirut 0-11: The Opening Film. |
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I think the part that a lot of people ignored was the mini poster exhibition. There were about 16 posters hung up at the entrance to Metropolis – vintage posters from old Lebanese films. If you don’t want to stick around for a movie, then at least sneak a peek at the posters.
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1. Like a scene from a horror film where the demon child keeps appearing even after you’ve sliced and diced his possessed body, there is a wee insect taunting you while you drive. You can’t help but focus on it’s minuscule carcass as it weaves and bobs into your windshield repeatedly. Even with the window open, it seems to have lost its internal compass and stays bouncing on the dashboard like those carnival whac-a-mole…moles.
2. YES! Your favorite song of the week just came on the radio and you’re so IN.THE.ZONE. You could basically have your Saved-the-Last-Dance audition while sitting there in the car and nail it with just the rhythmic neck movements you’re doing. You don’t even have to dance because you’re swimming in awesomesauce. And then it happens. The reception goes to shit because you’ve entered some shady area or some politician decided to crap on your dreams. You were thisclose to being a choreographer. Gone.
3. Leather Seats. If you don’t have them, then be glad that you were discounted one peeve and sympathize with this imagery: In the summer months, you voluntarily sit on a bunsen burner and then strap yourself down with a belt of fire. In winter months, you are surprised that your ass doesn’t get stuck to the leather a-la-Harry-Dunne. Let’s face it, Lebanon only has two seasons.
4. Your right leg starts twitching. In the middle of the highway, your muscle decides now is the perfect time to spasm. It’s not like you’re operating heavy machinery or could die. The people in the car behind you are wondering why you’re braking to the beat of underground house.
5. The new air freshener you got is wonderful. The smell of gardenias is so sweet, you could’ve been trapped in a perfume bottle and felt less fragrant. But then you realize that air freshener’s scent is getting into your nostrils faster than a Western country’s internet connection. It’s in your clothes, in your hair, in your blood. As you pull into the gas station, you inhale that octane as if you just surfaced for air from Mariana’s Trench.
6. That one streak of water that the windshield wipers always miss because their movement doesn’t cover the entire span of the glass. You can see fine, which is also the problem because you can see that streak. Wipe. Still there. Wipe. Still there. Wipe…Still there.
7. You’ve got just the combination of up/down/forward/backward so that the driver seat is exactly where you want it. The steering wheel is at the right position, the pedals are right under your feet, it’s yours. Until a parking attendant/car wash/any-other-person-of-a-different-size messes around with your settings so they can drive. You try to get it back to the way it was. It’s not the same. She’s changed. You don’t know if you can do this anymore.
8. You have no Kleenex.
I noticed something at Cafe Younes, my home away from home, last week. It’s a book basket. Quite a simple concept but a great idea: you exchange a book for a book. Every book you take from the basket must be replaced with another book of your own so there is always the same number available. It’s a good way to have a little selection of random things to read from different types of readers. I admit I already have a collection waiting for me at home but this could be fun if you’re looking for some new material and don’t want to fork over the moola for it. And personally, I prefer actual pages to reading off of a kindle or iPad.
First of all, the souk is very authentic – none of that commercial souk stuff like in Jbeil, where anything from a monkey to Marilyn is wearing a scrap of fabric with gold discs that jingle as you jiggle. It’s still got old little shops with antiques, junk, and a bunch of bakeries with sweets stuffed with dates and sugar.
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| Sesame bread stuffed with dates |
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| Old Souk |
Second of all, after going through the maze past the Khan el Franj (an old courtyard that is now used as a mini marketplace), there is the Audi Soap Museum. It’s small and quaint, displaying old tools and samples of soap, a video about the process playing on repeat, a cafe and a giftshop. There are handouts and pamphlets everywhere and it’s a simple process to understand but there is a guide in case you want some extra info. Be warned though, there are usually tour groups from Europe keeping them busy.
Be prepared for the giftshop.
Everything smells so good and the fact that this soap is natural makes you want to buy more. Plus, there’s all that encourage-your-country’s-production thing. The soaps have a great refreshing feeling – they don’t leave gross residue and the smells are light – like you just got plucked from a clothesline. They have soaps of different scents and sizes, forms and combinations. Laurel and olive oil, all olive oil, honey, green mint, yellow musk, gardenia, rose, tarboushes, slippers, characters, worry beads of soap, body butter, sprays…you get the point. Anyway, stock up on some good stuff because who doesn’t love smelling like fresh laundry?
The smell of the shop was intoxicating. Seriously, we were dizzy after leaving. Of course, that can be cured with some falafel at Falafel Akkawi – it’s near the big malls hidden in a side street. Just ask around.
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| Cut into blocks using a mini plow-blade |
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| Wall of soap! |
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| Tools used to stamp the soap with the family emblem |
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| Audi Soaps |
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| Round Soaps with Dye |
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| My goodies |
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| Soap Masbaha (Worry Beads) |
1. Eating nutella&go while security guards on the sidewalks watch you get chocolate on your fingers. You’re too afraid to eat the leftover nutella out of the container for fear of their “overexcitement”.
2. Singing along to one of these songs complete with hand gestures and high notes:
Usher- Climax,
Chris Brown & Bieber- Next to You,
Fugees- Killing Me Softly,
Rihanna- Birthday Cake,
You don’t want people watching you bop your head to the beat of cake, cake, cake, hearing you say you know they want to lick icing off or attempting to sound like an acoustic guitar with your vocal chords because you sound just like Lauryn Hill when the sunroof’s open. You don’t. Record yourself and embrace the truth.
3. Drink a beverage of any kind. You’re in a traffic jam and have probably studied the human body once in your life. It’s only a matter of time before that bladder is wishing it could cry so it wouldn’t have to rely on you to physically empty it.
4. Get out of the car to see how bad the traffic is ahead of you. What’s the point? Are you going to part the red sea of cars like Moses? No.
5. Honk. The horn was invented to use in case of vehicular emergency when something or someone is in grave danger of being mutilated by the heavy machinery you’re operating. That does not apply to people who can see you frozen in time in their rear view mirror.
6. Blast a song with all the windows open without dancing along. If you’re going to be stubborn about it and make us all listen to your choice of lyrical genius, at least give us a free show. Leaning back like a gangsta with “My Humps” blaring is not hardcore unless you’re wearing a camel costume and aviators.
7. Cleaning your windshield with the automatic water sprayer. That’s just rude. And I’m sorry but I couldn’t see.
8. Inflicting pain on a darake, or policeman, no matter how much his self importance makes you want to prove that you can make him squeal higher notes than an ambulance siren by shoving his baton up his…Smile and wave, boys, smile and wave.
9. Going aks-el-ser, or the wrong way on a one way street, to escape the traffic only to cause another jam somewhere else because a conga line of morons followed you and now you’re all blocking the road.
10. Texting. You’re slowly going to roll into the bumper in front of you because you’re too busy complaining to others that the “traffic is deathhhhh.” BAM. There goes your radiator.
1. Kaak at Upper Gate. A small little food cart near the entrance to Malik’s Bookshop serves up the traditional Lebanese kaak squished in an antique George Forman grill so it’s toasty and pancaked. It’s sliced in two pieces so you can conveniently eat it in between classes. It’s got kiri cheese spread, tomatoes and angel tears. And you can add harr, or chili pepper, for zing.
2. Nescafe. A van parked outside Upper Gate pumps out more caffeine than all 4 Starbucks located within the 5 mile radius of the campus. It’s good and cheap like Manara’s Uncle Deek.
3. There is no Upper Gate and Lower Gate. This is just to differentiate two entrances but there is hardly enough incline between them to differentiate them based on elevation like AUB’s two gates. But there are stairs between them. Just not the kind that will make your kidneys cry.
4. The library. It’s huge and loaded with tons of books that are virtually unopened because they’re so new. It’s got spinning reclining chairs and you’re allowed to eat snacks inside.
5. The lack of Bliss Street right outside. The strip of food franchises does not exist which saves your ass from becoming a bigger one.
6. Much like Avis Rent-a-car’s old campaign, the fact that LAU is second best in Lebanon (in general reputation at least) makes them try harder. They’re always trying to be better.
7. Around the big holidays, they go the extra mile with decorations and figurines. The number of poinsettias during the Christmas season is enough to make it seem like the reproduced December-inspired scene from Wizard of Oz where Dorothy is in a sea of flowers on her way to the Emerald City…or Nicol Hall in this case.
8. Socrate Catering in the cafeteria. And for basically any other social event held on campus. Who doesn’t love bite-size everythings?
9. Free printing. The library and certain department labs allow for free printing up to a specific amount (in the hundreds, and thousands for paper-loving majors).
10. Financial Aid and Honor Scholarships for high cGPAs. Although most people think of LAU as being the snobby-rich-kid university that has valet parking (that’s actually not for the university), it helps out a lot of the students financially if they deserve it.
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| Manoushe & Pepsi |
Bambi's Soapbox 
