Category Archives: Beirut, Lebanon

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10 Things I Hate About You, Lebanon

Sassine Square, Ashrafieh
I hate the way you toy with me, 

and the way you give me a scare.

I hate the way you are so unstable, 

I hate it when you don’t care. 

I hate your big dumb combat tanks 

and the way you mess with my mind. 

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme. 

I hate the way you always fight, 

I hate it when people die. 

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry. 

I hate it when you’re not what you should be, 

and the fact that you’re always about to fall. 

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, 

not even close…

not even a little bit… 
not even at all.


Adaptation of poem from film 
“10 Things I Hate About You”

May the victims of the Ashrafieh explosion of Oct 19, 2012 rest in peace. God be with their families and loved ones.

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10 Types of Lebanese Drivers

This list was requested by reader & friend, Lena J.

1. Florence and their Machine

They think they have a Grammy voice. They think they are Adele without the depression. Maybe. They hit the high notes and whisper the melodic lines of “Skyfall” as they imagine themselves tuxedoed/LBDed, suave and debonair at the bar ordering a shaken-not-stirred vodka martini. They are calm and collected with a voice that is as ferocious as their fiery naturally volumized Arab hair. They are Florence Welch and they are driving their Machine. Move aside earthlings with no vocal talent, listen to them roar. Oh yes, they are a star. 

Unfortunately, to the audience, they sound like a dying cow and look like they’re having a seizure dancing the robot with the steering wheel.

2. Jagal el Alpina

They are the sleazy & cheesy male drivers of the BMW Alpinas covered in latex tattoos of “Follow Me If You Want to Die” and weird phrases in something resembling English. They think they’re skilled drivers because they “shaffit” leaving skidmarks to document 360s done in the middle of an intersection. They have a misunderstood relationship with hair gel and jewelry. 

3. Horny & Corny

Not to be confused with sleazy & cheesy, these are the male drivers who tend to be the conductors of vans, charging with their heads jutting out of the window. They maneuver like the vehicle is an extension of their body. Although there is an unbreakable affection between them and their horn, they also make a mating call that can only be described as a prolonged kiss sound, only that would make it seem gentle. This, along with the poetic lines that are directed towards pointing out ladies’ assets, makes them one of the crippled Casanovas of the country. 

4. The Teflon Tante


She drives an X5, X6, Vogue, Q5, Q7, Cayenne, anything that’s a gas-guzzling 4×4 that is never really meant for offroading. She is female, coined the Teflon Tante because she thinks she’s as gangster as Rick Ross especially since she has the same gold-encrusted pimp sunglasses. The key difference is that he still looks badass in something that would normally be cast off as only-for-Liberace. She, on the other hand, combined with her high maintenance everything, is a glorified soccer mom. She probably wears designer sweatpants that have never seen the gym, has half the nose she was born with, and never parallel parks.

5. The Skypist

They are stuck in traffic and staring at their crotch. Their head is bobbing up and down making everyone wonder what on earth is really going on because, as far as us nosy people can see, no one’s in there with them. They are Skyping. That’s not remotely as dirty as it sounds or as it looks in this case. They’re going to get someone killed though because they‘re simultaneously making sure they don’t hit the car in front of them while trying to make eye contact with someone who’s sitting on their bed in their pjs in another country. 

Pull over and stare at your crotch without hurting anyone else or make like an abstinence campaign and DON’T SKYPE IN THE CAR. 

6. The Lowriding Snoop Camel

They drive with their left hand, one butt cheek on the seat, leaning back, eye-level with the dashboard. They don’t even grip the wheel because they’re so smooth, they be sipping on gin and juice. *Hydraulics? Spinners? Yeah, I know what they are. No, I can’t afford them. But check out my “mango” palm tree air freshener. So fresh, so clean, hell I bet you want some sushi now.*

7. The Fast and The Are You F**king Serious

They are practicing for the F1 race. If they’re not already, they want to feel like they’re driving a manual car and “betweenet” are their specialty, shifting gears in their tiptronic monster just because they can. They want to get to that moment in Driven, when the raindrops are freezing in mid-air before splashing on to the windshield. They want to pull the handbrake, spin, whip out a 9mm, and wink at Eva Mendes but they won’t because they’ve hit a tree.

8. Oh So Textual

“Omg traffic is soooo bad.” Yes, we’ve all done that one. It’s usually because you’re in traffic and you’re not moving. But there’s the Oh So Textual drivers who have a disease. They‘re as evil as the Skypist. They check Facebook and drive. They Instagram the speedometer and drive. They text “lol” to the hot girl from English class that they just randomly saw at Starbucks because if they don’t immediately initiate a whatsapp conversation, timing will be off and she’ll never be the mother of their children. They’ve got to text now because texting later will be…exactly the same thing.

With that said, Shazam needs to bypass the iPhone keypad lock because that shit is annoying when my unknown jam is on the radio.

9. The Motorcycle Clans

One of three clans when driving a bike:

• TooLegitToSit – meaning they drive a bike that is never actually seen being driven because it’s always parked outside an establishment looking shiny.
• Acrobatic Ballerinas – the performance artists who balance on their motos in the middle of the highways, practicing Cirque du Soleil routines as they pop a wheelie.
• Meals on Wheels – those who deliver greasy food to the masses and, on occasion, a hookah to a Teflon Tante.

10. Service

Taxi drivers of Beirut, they go HAM. They could be the sweetest or the craziest people you will ever meet. But one thing’s for sure, there’s always good stories with them. 

Want 10 more? Click here.

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5 Similarities Between AUB & LAU Students

AUB & LAU are the two largest English universities in Lebanon.
1. School Sweater Fashion Faux Pas 
While most students abroad love to collect memorabilia pertaining to their alma mater, students in these two institutions will never wear anything stamped with bold letters or Phoenician triremes – at least, not outside the house. They will wear sweaters of other universities like Oxford, USC, NYU, AnyImpressiveSchoolWeKnowNothingAboutExceptForItsAcronym but AUB students will not wear AUB sweaters on campus and LAU students will not wear LAU sweaters on campus. There is one AUB student who was rumored to wear her AUB sweater around campus and then, upon graduation, wear it to LAU as well (burn). This student may, or may not, be me. Such a rebel.
Most students will flaunt a sticker on their new car, partly because they want to feel like it’s their car but also because they want everyone to know they go to the “best university in the country.” The sweater, on the other hand, is reserved for those foreign kids in the summer Arabic classes.
2. Spend All Day & Night in Hamra 
After spending most of their daylight hours in classrooms, you would think that these students would want to get away from their campuses when it’s time to unwind. Nope. In the past few years, Hamra has been the destination topping the list when it comes to nights out. Uruguay St. in Downtown & the Gemmayzeh quarter are great but they’re a different atmosphere. 
Hamra is comfortable. Hamra is eating Bliss House sandwiches outside your hazard-lights-a’blinking-diagonally-parked car. Hamra is having Dunkin coffee by Main Gate at 8pm. Hamra is going out in your sweatpants and tees without worrying about dress code or a bouncer with an allergy to Converse. Hamra is bumping into everyone you know and everyone you’re going to meet next semester. It’s like going to class but there’s beer and cigarettes. 
3.  Lunch Dilemma 
The neighborhood is so condensed with cafes, fast food joints, restaurants and mini markets that students have to go through a process of elimination everyday when deciding on where to eat. At some point in their academic life, they will realize that eating greasy saj wraps daily is bad for the arteries and the salty flavor is not because their salt shaker cap goes loose occasionally. Those dudes by the round saj are not polar bears. Juicy. Students will also come to find that the process of elimination will become limited to a choice of 4 places max similar to how you alternate between the same 2 pairs of jeans from a pile of 12. 
If at AUB, you will get sick of afternoons at Universal Snack as Laura Branigan’s Self Control plays and end up going to Kababji. Then you’ll be like “no, no tabbouli today” (how dare you) and go to Subway. And then you’ll go back to Universal. McDo/BK/Hardee’s are reserved for days when you feel like you need a hug in a hamburger or it’s raining. If at LAU, you would eat kaak everyday but switch it up sometimes by ditching a class and going to Roadster. 

“Ma3leh, ma byekhod attendance w ktir 3a beleh fries and cheddar wlo! Bas honey mustard bella sour cream, bi nasih” *fails class*
Translation: “It’s okay, he doesn’t take attendance and I’m so craving Fries & Cheddar! But honey mustard, no sour cream, it’s fattening.” 
4. Vote or Die
Because student elections is a condition for accreditation and because Lebanon is obsessed with spraying politics all over everything like it’s Baygon in the middle of mosquito season, these universities participate in yearly student elections where they are indirectly divided into two main camps and the I-swear-we’re-not-backed-by-anyone-we-just-lean-towards-a-side independents. Election week is all campaigning and phone calls from people you don’t even know followed by election day where you get harassed at the gates.
-“DID YOU VOTE?”
-“YES.”
-“FOR WHO?”
-“YOUR MOM.”
Elections proceed, some side wins and the outside world thinks it’s a big sign that the youth supports so-and-so and those elected do nothing productive all year due to “bureaucracy.” Yup, sounds like it’s a pretty accurate microcosm of the rest of the country. 
5. Loyalty
Regardless of which university you claim as yours, you will miss it when it’s over.  
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Bambi’s Boxes, Part III

This Bambi Box that just barely made it into the month of September is a spotlight on the Aizone FW 2012 campaign done by Jessica Walsh under the art direction umbrella of Stefen Saigmester. Saigmester is a world-renowned designer who is most famous for using a Zoro technique on his own skin when designing an AIGA invitation card back in ’99. He works with many freelancers to come up with new ideas for clients and this time he teamed up with NY-based Jessica Walsh.

(Taken from her behance portfolio) 

The campaign was a series of images and experimental typography that were then adapted to the storefront windows. She used variations in paint, bubbles, and fabric to phrases. The forms of the typography match the style of the clothing that is displayed on the mannequins.

The displays in Aizone in ABC Ashrafieh, Beirut:

Close up (baubles on the t-shirt)

The team also did the previous FW 2011 Aizone campaign:

(Taken from her behance portfolio) 

The behind the scenes video of this campaign is great because you get to see that the visuals were actually created rather than digitally done on Photoshop. 

Walsh is a great designer – according to behance, “she has worked with studios such as Sagmeister Inc, Pentagram Design and Print Magazine, and freelances for a variety of clients such as the The New York Times, AIGA, Computer Arts & I.D. Magazine, and Technology Review.” Check out her full behance portfolio here or her personal website.

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Tomorrow We Will See

“Tomorrow We Will See” is a documentary that plays off of the Lebanese vernacular expression “bokra min shoof” which literally means tomorrow we will see, but it’s another way of saying “inshallah” or God willing. It is a common phrase here in Lebanon since people have gotten so used to instability and uncertainty, be it political, economical, social or electrical. This documentary focuses on artistic outlets used in the country.

As stated in the YouTube description for the trailer:

““Tomorrow We Will See” (“Bukra Minshouf”) offers a window into Lebanon’s flourishing creative culture through the perspective of ten Lebanese artists. A rock band’s thought-provoking lyrics, a poet’s description of time shrinking, an architect’s experimental manipulation of space, and a painter’s reflections on his choice of colors, reveal the process by which the featured artists transform ideas, sketches, and spaces into vibrant and dynamic works of art. A common trait that unites the artists is their talent of using art as a tool for transcending sectarian divisions and encouraging freedom of thought. Through their own artistic expressions, they have overcome decades of social and political instability and the uncertainties of what tomorrow may bring.”


 Ceramic Wall titled “From Earth to Heavens”





One example of artistic expression that seems to be disregarded is a mural done on the Bahri road going towards Dbayeh (near Qarantina). This mosaic mural was done in 2009 by Lena Kelekian. She is a visual artist, iconographer, muralist, restorer, geologist, environmental designer, mosaicist, lecturer, and curator. Her extensive education began at AUB where she graduated with a BS in Geology. 

“The distinctive feature of Kelekian’s iconography is her use of traditional Byzantine methods and natural pigments. As a geologist, Kelekian learned how to extract colors from minerals.

“I rediscovered 89 mineral-extracted colors, and discovered a few types of green and yellow.” In keeping with Byzantine methods, she paints her icons in an egg tempera (the egg being the biblical symbol of life and fertility) and embellishes the gold or silver backgrounds with precious and semi-precious stones and pearls.”


Read the full article in AUB’s Main Gate Spring 2006 issue here.



She also has a Higher Studies Diploma in Theology from the Higher Institute for Religious Formation in France, a Higher Studies Diploma in Research & Restoration from UCL, and a Doctorate Degree in Fine Arts from Greci Marino Academy of Letters, Arts & Sciences in Italy. 

She is an “Olympic artist” because her work had been selected to represent Lebanon and the Middle East in the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games. According to Al Shorfa, she “won the gold medal at the recent Olympic Fine Arts Exhibition in London, adding a second Olympic gold and the 16th first prize in her career as an artist.” (Am I the only one that didn’t know medals were awarded for art?)

The public benches on the Manara seaside in Ain Mraisse are also mosaic artworks done by Kelekian in an earlier project from 2004.

Kelekian claims to be brewing a surprise come March 2013: inviting a thousand foreign artists to organize an exhibition in central Beirut. 



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Dahieh’s Sweet Side

The dahieh, meaning “neighborhood” in Arabic, is the word used to describe the southern suburbs of Beirut city. It’s the same area that was rearranged like a chessboard during the July 2006 war. Usually associated with Hezbollah and cheap car maintenance, dahieh is rarely thought of when it comes to dessert. Unless you’ve heard of Cremino.

Cake Slices

Across from the Shiite Consulate is Cremino Patisserie, a bakery established in 1993. On big dessert holidays such as Mother’s Day or Valentine’s Day, the only cakes sold are vanilla or chocolate black forest (foret noir) with the exception of pre-ordered cakes. On any regular day, by 11am, most of the croissants are sold out. The patisserie is so popular that they have recently relocated to comfortably accommodate all their different stations: cakes & assorted desserts, chocolate & gift items, bread, and ice cream.

Ice Cream Section

Cake Fridges

They’ve moved to the adjacent building and purchased the entire ground floor and parking lot. It is accessible directly from the old Airport Road on the right side (when driving away from the Intl. Airport). The baking factory part of the business occurs underground in the basement level. Their old location will be bought by Siblini, a trusted neighboring butcher who also has expansion plans and who shares most of the same customers.

New Location

The readymade cakes come in 3 different sizes: full cakes, slices, or mini slices. The full cakes run from 25,000-50,000 L.L., slices for about 2,250 L.L./each and the mini’s come on a platter for 24,000 L.L. The mini’s are an assortment of bitesized versions of the larger slices and are a good choice if you’re bringing dessert to a house dinner.

Recommendation for full cake: The Concerto.

Recommendation for slice:

Being that dahieh is a religious area, the cakes have no alcohol flavoring in them yet they have rich flavor – maybe it’s their awesomesauce extract. There’s something magical because everyone seems hooked and the only time that it seems to be empty is lunchtime during the month of Ramadan.

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Bambi’s Boxes, Part II.

Dresses at sea

The second installment from Bambi’s Boxes features the Piaff vitrines designed by conceptual artist, Najla El Zein. First off, Piaff, a clothing store, is located near Gefinor on Clemenceau, after CMC on your righthand side – if you reach Downtown, you’ve gone too far.

From inside Piaff
Source

 This season’s displays are based on the structure of coral reefs. However, the constructed corals are made out of mini cocktail umbrellas. The multicolored umbrellas were shipped in to Lebanon but while constructing the display, they ran short. Instead of trashing the whole idea, voids were incorporated into the umbrella corals. It’s all very under-the-sea-where’s-my-margarita.

Umbrellas!

Gaps
Source

Najla El Zein had given a small talk once this spring about her work and conceptual designs which is mainly installations or abstract sculpture work. An “installation” is an artwork that has to be set-up or installed in 3D space. Her works include fluffy clouds, a giant head of hair and a big ball of welded spoons. The spoons, rightly titled “6302 Spoons”, has 6302 spoons melted into a teardrop womb-shaped ball that doubles as a wall lamp. It looks a bit like a metal version of the dripping goo that is Princess Daisy’s father in Super Mario Bros, the movie. You can check out more of El Zein’s work on her website.

El Zein has done work for Piaff before. She was also the designer behind their last window displays which were pinwheels that spun thanks to fans inside the store. This display was more interesting to see at night when the store was closed – the pinwheels spun and the dresses billowed in a vacated showroom/area. It was spooky and mesmerizing.

Pinwheels
Source
Dresses
Source

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Bcharre, the home of Gibran

Sculpture of Gibran at Museum entrance

The mountains of Bcharre are known for being the land of red-roofed houses and Samir Geagea. It is also the birthplace of one of Lebanon’s greatest writers, Khalil Gibran. Bcharre, located near Ehden right below the Cedars, is a small town about a 2 hour drive north of Beirut.

If you continue on the main road of the town, you will come across an incline to the Gibran Museum. It’s a quaint little museum that seems to be built within the actual mountain. The elevation and enclosed space makes it a bit hard to breathe inside but the size ensures that you will get out before you faint. A collection of Gibran’s paintings, sketches and setups of his rooms/books are displayed in connected rooms that go in a circle. It’s a fun adventure that costs 5,000 L.L. (a bit more than $3) and it concludes with the tomb of the writer. Oddly enough, his bedroom is set up right outside his coffin.
The epitaph is inscribed on a slab of cedar wood:

“I am alive like you
And I now stand beside you
Close your eyes and look
Around you will see me
In front of you”

To which my little sister whispered: “but where? I don’t see him.”

View from Gibran Museum, Bcharre

The view from the museum is beautiful, overlooking the town of Bcharre and the Qadisha Valley. There is a woman who sells cedar souvenirs outside the museum – and, as usual, you can “carve” (burn) your name or whatever you like on whatever you like. There is a cafeteria with Flintstone-like architecture and a small giftshop at the end of the museum featuring small prints, cards and books of Gibran’s work. Whatever you buy is stamped much like Shakespeare & Company bookstore in Paris, France.

Shakespeare & Company – Paris, France
Gibran Museum stamp
Shakespeare & Company stamp

Gibran’s love letters to May Ziadeh are the Lebanese equivalent to Lord Beethoven’s. May Ziadeh was a writer of Arabic Literature who later became the owner and editor-in-chief of her father’s Egyptian newspaper, Al Mahrousah. An excerpt from Gibran’s letter to May on June 11th, 1919:

“I ignored all the other letters awaiting my return to my desk, in order to spend my day listening to your utterances, which alternate between sweetness and reprimand – I say reprimand because I found in your second letter some observations which, had I allowed them to, would have saddened my happy self. But how could I let myself dwell on a seeming cloud in an otherwise clear and starry sky? And how could I turn my eyes away from a blossoming tree to the merest shadow from one of her branches? And how could I object to a gentle stab from a perfumed hand full of precious stones?”

Bambi Spotted! (Gibran Museum)

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PaperCards at Papercup

In Mar Mikhael, the artsy fartsy district of Beirut, there is an art bookstore called Papercup. It is already well-known by people who it caters to: designers, artsy folk, hipsters and foreigners. It’s a small place and hard to find if you haven’t been there before.

Directions: Drive down Gouraud Street in Gemmayzeh until it eventually joins the main road of Mar Mikhael (Alexandria Street), past EDL. Keep going until you get to the road between SEAT and Pharmacie Cilicie on your left. Park and walk down that road (unless you want to be Lebanese and drive the wrong way on a one way street) and take a left.

There on the right side you will see Papercup.

They have a couple of shelves of magazines, a frequently restocked collection of art books as well as a mini cafe inside. Personally, my favorite part of the whole shop is the assortment of greeting cards and stationery: a bit by Lebanese designers but mostly imported. I have a hard time finding great cards for occasions (or just for the heck of it because it’s a sad obsession of mine), so this is a nice find when you want a card that’s original and isn’t drowning in cheesy cliches. They’re a bit on the pricey side, each card running at an average of $6 – but in all fairness, Hallmark cards are around the same if not more only they’re lame. 

My cards

 Once you’re done looking around, whether you’ve found something or not…You can go across the street to Frosty’s Palace, Papercup’s owner’s sister’s place. It’s small so you may have to wait if full but it’s got meaty burgers and milkshakes which are pretty meaty and delicious respectively, if you decide to forego the cheddar (with the burger at least?).

With cheddar could be good too, I’d have to go back for further investigation just for you guys. I’m such a trooper, I know.

Random factoid: they have environmentally friendly straws made out of cardboard. 
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What’s Awesomesauce?

Bubba, drunk off of awesomesauce.

It’s the melted salted butter that makes baked potato unhealthily delicious. It’s the parking space right outside Rony’s in Bourj Hammoud. It’s jelly beans. It’s your iPhone surviving another fall. It’s you getting the last cheese stick. It’s posing for inappropriate pictures with the Ronald McDonald statue. It’s lying in the grass watching the trees overhead sway in the wind. It’s an amalgamation of all that is soothfast and simple as well as an ejaculation of understated epicness. It’s like saying something is “the shit” without actually saying something you like is fecal matter.

According to Urban Dictionary,



In cooking, a sauce is liquid or sometimes semi-solid food served on or used in preparing other foods. Sauces are not consumed by themselves; they add flavor, moisture, and visual appeal to another dish. Sauce is a French word taken from the Latin salsus, meaning salted. Sauces need a liquid component, but some sauces (for example, salsa or chutney) may contain more solid elements than liquid.

Awesomesauce, on the other hand, is prepared by mixing equal parts of awesome, amazing and breathtaking. The awesomeness is slowly cooked and small parts of uncanny, extraordinary and magnificent are added. When no one expects it, the awesomesauce should asplode in huge fireworks, sonic booms, gorgeous girls, american flags and monster-trucks.

Awesomesauce, contrary to any other sauce, can be served alone, or acompanying other dishes as movies or rock concerts. Awesomesauce added to any food makes of it a real rollercoaster of emotions, thrills and excitement that Michael Bay would be proud of.