My Letter to My Conscience

Dear Conscience,

We can’t go on this way. Agreeing to disagree is not the best strategy to apply to our relationship; after all, we need to agree on the majority of situations that we come across. I can’t handle having another facet to my multifaceted personality, six is my threshold.

We need to agree and, when that cannot be done, we need to compromise but, ultimately, when we make a decision, we need to stand by it. This is what I am writing to you about: your lack of consistency. You always know what I want and I think part of you wants it too, but you’re not as straightforward. You are vague and confusing; always thinking about the unforeseen consequences that may never materialize. In all honesty, I think you think too much. It is better to regret the things you do than to regret the things you don’t do. 

You see, if we are in agreement, then what we say/think will match what we do. If we are not in agreement, then I will probably be beating myself up with a figurative frying pan at some point due to mere acts of poor judgment and stupidity. You are supposed to help me. If we agree on these acts as being justified then they are no longer stupid. If we always agree, everybody wins. It is only when we disagree, that I am caught in guilt quicksand: the more I attempt to defend my actions, the more you bury me in grains of reason and logic. We need to work as a team. We can enjoy every day if you and I work together. If we’re on the same page, if we speak the same language, we could be great. It’s like that time I learned that “montgolfiere” meant hot-air balloon in French instead of fiery Mongolian. Something that has so much potential is, in reality, quite disappointing because it was lost in translation. That analogy actually makes no sense but I’m on a roll, don’t hate.

I don’t care if you don’t care and you don’t care if I don’t care but I do care and you do care but we keep acting like we don’t care. Let’s stop the madness. Come to think of it, technically, everything I’ve ever done wrong is your fault because you were there when they happened. Don’t put on a blindfold, call it impulse and feed me to the dogs. Take my hand. Be the weight that keeps me from flying away, that keeps me on the ground. You could be happy, too.

I am a child. I will do what I want when I want unless you tell me otherwise. So don’t. Next time we are contemplating overnighting for my unpaid internship, you must agree that it’s worth it. Do not tell me that I am not being paid to do such a sacrifice, the lack of sleep will not help me sell my idea during the presentation that day, and that no one hires a zombie. Next time I want to go to happy hour with some friends in the middle of the week, you must agree that I need to have some time to wind down. Do not tell me that happy hour never really ends at 8pm, that I shouldn’t be consuming so much cheap alcohol, or that those bar nuts have been touched by other nuts by association.

I trust your intuition because I know that you know better – although I’m not sure why since you’ re already the voice inside my head *cue Blink 182*. You’re the rational one. That’s supposed to be a strength because so many feel that emotions are a source of weakness. I think we both know that Heart has betrayed us before. She is sincere and passionate and life is so intense when she overpowers Brain. And then we almost lose Brain because Heart is bungee jumping off of cliffs for kicks. Good times. Anyway, rational. It’s better, at least until you can figure out a balance once the scraps from the heart paper shredder are taped back together. You are there to look out for me but don’t rain on our parade. Let’s just agree to be happy…within reason.

With love,

Read the reply from my conscience…


Pam Ferris, You are My Hero

Much like another Ferris previously spoken about, this Ferris is quite the character. The difference is that this Ferris is real and the fictional character that she played in a film is the one being appreciated. Upon looking at her photograph, it may be difficult to guess just which character I am referring to…


The character is Mrs. Trunchbull from the movie Matilda. 

My favorite scene is the cake scene but there’s no full clip of it available except for this parody with one of my favorite car songs.

8 Things You Learn from TV Shows


1. Being a medical intern is all about finding your soulmate. Myocardial infarction or feeling like your penguin pebble has been tossed through the grinder; no matter what, emotionally and medically, all that matters is your heart.

2. Vampires are sexy in that tortured brooding way. Sure, they want to drink your grandma like a margarita at a Las Vegas poolside but they will always love you rather than want to kill you because you’re “different.” That means you smell like cabbage.

3. A song by Kings of Leon will always be one of the featured tracks on your soundtrack.

4. No matter how dramatic life gets…teenage pregnancies, prostitution, theft, drug abuse, cancer…there will always be gwackamoley. 

Oscar from 90210 (where’d he go?)

5. All murders can be solved in 45min with 2 commercial breaks because there’s always an obvious clue pointing to the killer. Come on, you all knew that the stuffed animal under the bed was a clue that the guy in Florida was raising bears to be trained killers so he could get away with smuggling dolphins into Maryland. 

6. In life, you have 8 people to choose from as a romantic partner because everyone else are just extras. Use, reuse and recycle, it’s fine. If you’re true friends, all they’ll want is for you to be happy with their ex, who technically was your ex first but high school doesn’t count. It’s like playing musical chairs with hormones.

7. There will always be that one friend that will have random bursts of awkwardness that will either a.) get you kicked out of a swanky restaurant or b.) get you free dessert from said swanky restaurant. You’re not sure where their fits of inspiration come from but they are the ketchup to your group of fries; always adding some flavor. 

8. There are other quirkballs out there. Even if it’s a fictional TV show, someone had to write that stuff. You’re not alone. 


You Don’t Know Jack


Carpe Diem. YOLO which brings on FOMO. Quarter-life crises. An attack by fortune cookies. Those Pinterest pages with pictures that have white Helvetica text across the center with titles of “Stuff I wanna do before I die.” They all make you feel like you’re just not living in the moment. You’re not taking advantage of everything that could be done with your life right now. AND they’re reminding you that you could die today and all you’re doing is sitting behind your computer screen. Jeez.

Well, like I always say, since we’re becoming scatterbrained jugglers who lose those mental golden nuggets of genius every time we blink (we cleverly call ourselves multitaskers when really we’re on the verge of cranial explosion), write it down. And be realistic about it so start small. Let’s face it; we are not going to go on a fully-paid trip with Jack Nicholson narrated by Morgan Freeman only to be placed in a tuna can at the top of Mount Everest. Instead of writing a bucket list for your whole life which would include things that probably require you to sell a few organs and your first-born, write a list for this season. Instead of “bucket list,” call it “subtle list” since all these things are subtle: not obvious and not drastic actions. Honestly, it’s also because the word “subtle,” when pronounced correctly in English, means “bucket” in Arabic. So totally creative.

So let’s try to avoid qualitative things like “be more outgoing” because there’s no proof that you really did that and it’s very subjective. Asking the waiter for an extra maraschino cherry is not being outgoing. Plus, it could be misread you clueless naughty minx, you.

Include things that require action and can be documented but are actually doable.
Here are some of mine:

1. Try tequila gummy bears (Usually, they’re made with vodka but I’m going to experiment with an alternative)
2. Read at least 15 books
3. Make an abstract self portrait out of business cards from the places you went
4. Graffiti a wall (not that I’m encouraging illegal behavior – long live Banksy)
5. Videotape an entire typical day of your life and watch it – see what you learn about yourself
6. Send a postcard to P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney
7. Ride the Teleferique to Harissa
8. Dress up with Kanye swagger
9. Take a picture with a live zoo animal
10. Learn how to do the fast Lebanese dabkeh

Guillaume Apollinaire said “now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy” so don’t forget to soak it all in because, you know, you could die today.

Edward & Frankenweenie

WARNING: This post is loaded with videos. If you have a poor internet connection, then let these stream while you sit in a staff meeting watching the girl who’s watching the guy idly thumb the springs of the pineapple in the fruit basket like it’s a genie’s lamp.

If there was a tab on how many times I had viewed every movie seen in my lifetime, I’m very confident that Edward Scissorhands would be the top viewed (with Practical Magic and The Little Mermaid tied in second). For some reason, I never get sick of watching this creepy Tim Burton film and it is the sole reason I love the director. Well, it and Beetlejuice. Please educate your offspring about the original Team Edward. Another Edward that should be highlighted is Edward Gorey, a writer and illustrator who, like Burton, had a dark style.

Scene from Edward Scissorhands:

Upon doing some reading, I found that Burton had done a short film in 1984 titled “Frankenweenie.” It’s a parody of the original Frankenstein but also has bits and pieces of Scissorhandsian magic. The choice of actress to play Victor’s mother helps the feel since she was the mother in the classic thriller “The Shining” released just 4 years prior. And there’s the guy who played Marv in the Home Alone series too but that’s irrelevant. Apparently, a black and white stop motion remake of it is to be released this year.

The original Frankenweenie in ’84:

The 2012 Frankenweenie Trailer released at Comic-Con:

7 Kinds of Love You Find in College

1. Academic

You take classes in philosophy, psych, maybe even a little cultural studies so that you can properly analyze a book that is most likely related to some form of colonialism. You major in something you think you’re passionate about or something that will make a lot of money or something that sounds really good at a 10-year reunion. And if you choose right, this may actually be something you can make a real career out of. Maybe. The love you get out of the courses you take and the lessons you learn will teach you what you want to do with your life or what you don’t want to do with your life. Either way, you will fall into a couple of academic potholes and eventually you’ll find out which one will pop your tire and make you stay. Even by studying something you don’t love, you’ll discover what you do love.

2. Platonic

You will meet so many people. Younger, older, weirder, or just plain boring. You’ll become friends with the guy who always offers gum. You’ll hate that girl in front who, without fail, asks a question a minute before the teacher was going to dismiss you…every hour. Your friends will make friends and you’ll meet those friends who will introduce you to their friends who will be your original friends. You probably know people’s full names even though you’ve never met them because they’ve had enough interaction on Facebook with mutual friends.  Just walking around campus will make you effectively know a huge chunk of your demographic and you will continue to recognize people after you graduate but you won’t know why. But here’s the truth: You will make plenty of acquaintances but only a small number of close friends. Life will catch up with you post-graduation and all those people you met will start doing their own thing. It’s not personal, it’s business also known as “your future”.

3. Romantic

You will meet someone who will become your person. The one you wake up early in the morning for. The one who knows that before a test, you’re going to be in pajamas in the library but doesn’t mind because you’re falling asleep on them so, technically, you’re appropriately dressed for the occasion. The one your friends call when they can’t find you. The one that pisses you off because they ate your last french fry but, deep down, you don’t care. The one who gives you their hoodie when you wear that polyester shirt that’s going to make you an allergic mess. The one that makes you stronger just by saying “it’ll be okay” because them saying it makes it true. The one who’s smell is chloroform and smelling salts to you. The one who is your spinach and kryptonite. The one that may be The One. Or not.

4. Materialistic

You will develop a love for at least one material item that is unnatural. It may be your car, your laptop, your cellphone, your iPod, your lucky BIC pen that has managed to help you pass every English essay that needed to be written within 30 minutes…it could be all of these things, at which point, you may need to get out more. You will become dependent on this item and love it like it is your child. You will have heart palpitations when it is hurt and will worry about it when it’s not with you. Please remember, they are material things. They can be replaced. As long as you backup all data and/or have insurance. Except for the BIC, that stuff is magic.

5. Parental

You will realize how much your parents love you. Not immediately but eventually it will dawn on you.  They will suffocate you with phone calls, lectures and questions about where you are, why you’re not studying, who you’re with, what you ate for lunch, etc. Then there’s the teasing about how you’ve lost/gained weight which is somehow related to the status of your love life that you have yet to inform them about and that’s their way of reminding you that you haven’t. And if you’re living on your own, you will realize how much your parents used to do for you without you appreciating it because now you have to do everything yourself while still getting the phone calls, lectures and questions mentioned above.

6. Professional

You will meet at least one accomplished individual – a professor, guest speaker, lab instructor, PhD student – who will inspire you to be an accomplished individual. They don’t necessarily have to be in your field or from your country of origin but you see yourself in them for some unknown reason. They will give you hope and make you think that it is actually possible to “make it” and that maybe that last overnight or failed final won’t even be a blip on the radar of success that is in store for your ambitious little soul. You’re going to be a star because J.K. Rowling said failing is okay and since Scrooge McDuck is definitely jealous of her case of swimmer’s ear, you’re convinced she knows her shit.

7. Self

You will develop a new found love for yourself. You will spend nights bouncing thoughts about your future off the ceiling like it’s a ping pong table. You will realize what your weaknesses and strengths are. You will realize how powerless you can be and how much you can accomplish. You will surprise yourself over and over again. You will also learn what you will put up with from other people and what you will be willing to do for others as well. You will see how selfless you can be without feeling used but you will also know that there will come a point where you will also need to be selfish without shame. And sometimes, you will do this all alone. You will become your own worst enemy and your own best friend because the one constant you can count on in all the ups and downs is you.

If you’re lucky, you get to experience at least 3 of these. If you’re really lucky, you get them all. (POKE-E-MON!…sorry.) 

What’s Awesomesauce?

Bubba, drunk off of awesomesauce.

It’s the melted salted butter that makes baked potato unhealthily delicious. It’s the parking space right outside Rony’s in Bourj Hammoud. It’s jelly beans. It’s your iPhone surviving another fall. It’s you getting the last cheese stick. It’s posing for inappropriate pictures with the Ronald McDonald statue. It’s lying in the grass watching the trees overhead sway in the wind. It’s an amalgamation of all that is soothfast and simple as well as an ejaculation of understated epicness. It’s like saying something is “the shit” without actually saying something you like is fecal matter.

According to Urban Dictionary,

In cooking, a sauce is liquid or sometimes semi-solid food served on or used in preparing other foods. Sauces are not consumed by themselves; they add flavor, moisture, and visual appeal to another dish. Sauce is a French word taken from the Latin salsus, meaning salted. Sauces need a liquid component, but some sauces (for example, salsa or chutney) may contain more solid elements than liquid.

Awesomesauce, on the other hand, is prepared by mixing equal parts of awesome, amazing and breathtaking. The awesomeness is slowly cooked and small parts of uncanny, extraordinary and magnificent are added. When no one expects it, the awesomesauce should asplode in huge fireworks, sonic booms, gorgeous girls, american flags and monster-trucks.

Awesomesauce, contrary to any other sauce, can be served alone, or acompanying other dishes as movies or rock concerts. Awesomesauce added to any food makes of it a real rollercoaster of emotions, thrills and excitement that Michael Bay would be proud of.