The Inner Monologue of a Beiruti Pedestrian

 

funny-Johnny-Bravo-Johnnie-Walker
“…I have twenty minutes to go to the forn and get breakfast before I have class but I need 5 minutes to vacuum the manoushe I hope there’s no hair in it this time OMG remember when that old woman licked her thumb before kneading the dough no wonder that place closed but they were such a cute old couple I wonder if the guy died don’t think about death why is everyone looking at me funny I probably have something on my face it’s that damn zit wait a second maybe I look really good today I mean my hair was doing that flip thing that woman’s asking for donations again no I don’t have a spare second and I can’t remember the last thing Greenpeace actually did stop honking I don’t want a damn taxi isn’t it obvious I’m walking this is why there are so many accidents and traffic your car is so creepy you probably have a bottle of Jack under your seat yeah blasting that Childish Gambino you can’t mess with me I’m going to cross the street and give the little wave that translates into dont-kill-me-with-your-SUV-thank-you-kind-sir holy crap H&M has a sale but their stuff is such bad quality but it’s good for basics like tshirts and funky accessories that are made in a factory in Indonesia on the other side of the world where is the forn should I get cheese with khodra or maybe just zaatar I shouldn’t be eating so much 3ajeen but they say zaatar is good for the brain but so is reading and you haven’t done that in a while you spend so much money on books that you haven’t even opened but you’re building a library you’ll get to them when you have the time you should make time they take up space but that’s why you got a Kindle WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE there’s so many people in line why didn’t I just have cereal at home because you don’t wake up hungry are you even hungry now you should eat breakfast it’s better than bingeing later forget it you’re going to be late and then you won’t be able to leave early to get to your car before you get a ticket what is wrong with the municipalities there are barely any parking lots left and now we have to pay by the hour unless you find those streets without meters but you end up losing your side mirror because people can’t drive at a normal speed through tight roads and you have to squeeze through just to be sure you don’t hit anything it’s so nerve wracking trying to parallel park on these itty bitty roads with plastic-chair-spot-savers you’re looking for a spot and some pedestrian pops out and crosses the street waving like that makes up for the fact that I almost killed you just because you’re walking and I can make you a human pancake doesn’t mean you should just jump in front of my car use the nonexistent sidewalks yeah yeah smile like you’re grateful I let you live I hate pedestrians”

 

 

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2 thoughts on “The Inner Monologue of a Beiruti Pedestrian

  1. An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto
    a friend who has been doing a little research on this.
    And he actually ordered me dinner due to the
    fact that I discovered it for him… lol. So let me reword this….
    Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending the time to
    talk about this topic here on your site.

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