Be Better Than the GAP.

Scene taken from “Crazy Stupid Love” – which is a good romcom that’s actually not really a romcom because it’s ridiculous and funny. And not in the Will Farrell way, it’s actually funny. PLUS, Emma Stone (my imaginary best friend) is in it. I was never a fan of Ryan Gosling’s The Notebook-ness but after this movie, he’s got my vote.

So for those of you suffering these last few weeks of the pseudo-Spring season, unable to go to the pool, suntan or just be absent minded and carefree because you have these weird things called “responsibilities”, this is for you.

Don’t get slumpy and lazy.
Don’t get boring and safe.
Don’t wear mom jeans.
Don’t become the GAP.
Why? Because you’re better than the GAP.
Be better than the GAP.

Ferris Bueller, You’re My Hero.

Great scene from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, one of the best movies of the 80s (there are a lot).

It was back when Matthew Broderick was young and cool as opposed to “that guy from Godzilla who’s married to the horseface from Sex in the City.”

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it” – Ferris Bueller

Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May

I haven’t been up to doing anything lately so for those of you who are also suffering from summerwheretheheckareyouitus, here’s a motivational clip from one of my favorite films, The Dead Poet’s Society, starring a young Robin Williams and a younger Ethan Hawke.

For those who haven’t seen this movie, do so because it’s awesomesauce.

8 Topics to Discuss When You’re Avoiding One Specific Topic*

*The title may confuse you – there’s usually one topic you don’t want to discuss with someone for whatever reason, yet they insist on bringing it up whenever you see them. Here are 8 topics to throw them off the trail.

1. Apple is probably building a super computer that will control our lives, dubbed the Big Mac, and it will run on the preserved tears of Granny Smith, a special fuel also known as AppleSauce. You really think the name “iRobot” was a coincidence? Exactly.

2. How playing NatGeoWild Narrator in real life can be incredibly entertaining. Proceed to play NatGeoWild Narrator. This is a game I invented out of pure boredom: pick out a person or two nearby and start narrating their behavior as if you were a NatGeoWild Narrator and they are wildlife. Name your show and episode. Use an accent. If you’re not into nature, Soap Opera Dialogue works too.


3. The existence of dry shampoo baffles you. How are you supposed to feel cleaner after sprinkling white powder (yes, I’m imagining Tony Montana and a mountain of coke) on to your scalp? Wait, it doesn’t look like dandruff? What do you mean it’s all in my head? Like, LITERALLY?

4. Whether or not Norman Bates, lead role in Psycho, had some twisted version of the Oedipus Complex. He went all RuPaul on his mother’s memory. Dress up in drag all you want but when you go drag as mommy? That’s some Freudian shit right there.

5. Justin Timberlake is the king of payback songs/videos. Cry me a river because what goes around comes back around and ain’t nobody love you like I love you…Biatch.


6. Gum is illegal in Singapore. Because bubbles be badass. Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride never looked so fierce.

7. The world before Facebook/Twitter made you an unintentional creeper/legal stalker of people you don’t even remember waving hello to the day before. Or some other person you don’t know because let’s face it: 15% of the Earth’s population is on Facebook and not all have discovered/understand privacy settings. Oh my god, he’s mutual friends with my cousin’s godfather’s brother. THERE IS HOPE.

8. Which combination of seven dwarves you would want to live with in the middle of the forest. A new version on the if-you-could-only-pack-3-things-island-question. You are allowed to make up your own dwarf names but be realistic, they can’t be all the variations found under “happy” in the thesaurus.

Disclaimer: If I have ever used these on you, I may not be avoiding a topic. I just noticed that they are good topics to use because I will genuinely talk about them- which simultaneously make them effective in the above endeavor.