I Will Not Feel Guilty

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Certain social events, parties, concerts, and gatherings have been postponed or cancelled. This is upsetting not because we needed an excuse to drink & be merry. Personally, I was angered by these cancellations because they are the initial signs of the downfall. These functions required time, money, and effort from various people – people who were trying to create something for Lebanon. It is entirely understandable and cancellation was the responsible decision to make given our current state of limbo. We are in the eye of the storm but it is upsetting that there are individuals trying to make Lebanon grow but are being defeated because of the “unstable wada3.” Again.

There seems to be two camps forming online when it comes to this whole wada3 debate. One feels that a big chunk of people, mostly the youth, have taken a passive route, eager to declare that they will be ditching this popsicle stand the first chance they get. They are indifferent to what is happening and what will happen in the near future, as long as they can go on with their daily lives until they manage to escape. The other chunk of people feel like they are shrieking in a soundproof glass box. They are frustrated that others go on with their day, hardly react to news of explosions, and they know that event cancellations are the least of our worries if you look at the big picture. Basically, one wants to ignore and the other wants to slap him a la Cher in Moonstruck.

I don’t think I fall into either of these camps. I’m somewhere in the middle and I don’t think I’m alone. I know the situation is dangerous but I am tired of reading articles, blogposts, and OpEds about what coulda/shoulda/woulda happened or what will happen. However, this does not mean I am going to stop reading, put on my headphones, and pretend life is fine and dandy. What it means is I am going to do my best to carry on with my life while external forces try to stop me from doing so. Yesterday, I attended TEDxLAU and Reine Azzi, the licensee and curator, said one simple line regarding one speaker’s cancellation: “the show will go on as an act of resistance.”

Right now, we don’t know anything for sure but I will not feel guilty for continuing to try. It is not that I am numb or insensitive. I am aware of the gravity of the situation that our country is in at the moment. I believe, regardless of your interest or field of study or profession, you should try to stay informed with what goes on in the world, especially when events have a direct effect on the stability of your own region & your prospective plans for your future in it. With that said, I will not feel guilty for marking dates in my calendar, mapping out the next few months, or trying to create a path for myself in this world. It is not naiveté or ignorant optimism. There is a heavy cloud on the horizon that makes you wonder if your efforts are futile, that the eruption is seconds away, that you’re floating on a raft in the middle of the Atlantic and there is no rescue crew coming.

However, maybe, just maybe, if I get off the raft and keep swimming, I’ll survive. As long as I am here and as long as my safety is not at great risk, I refuse to feel guilty about living because I refuse to give up.

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One thought on “I Will Not Feel Guilty

  1. Pingback: The Everlasting Question | Bambi's Soapbox

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