Warning: this post is a semi-rant about the +18 TV series Game of Thrones. No point, I just need to vent.
- Every episode is an average of 41 minutes of the same thing and it’s too slow. Tywin Lannister should throw his 3 advisory stooges into the dungeons, ship off his blaspheming blonde offspring, and let Dinklage rule. Tywin’s like Scar from the Lion King but without the beautiful mane and Jeremy Irons’ voice.
- Cersei Lannister moves her mouth a la Kiera Knightley when she speaks only she doesn’t smile as much and I have this infantile urge to pull her hair. Granny Tyrrell is awesome which means Cersei will probably have her killed. It’s enough that they killed Baywatch Hawaii and now we’re left with the human incestuous version of Prince-Charming-from-Shrek as male eye-candy. Stop killing the ones people like.
- The direwolves would be much cooler if they didn’t already make a guest appearance in the Twilight series. Also, Bran’s new warg friend would be more badass if we could forget him as the cute drummer kid from Love Actually but we can’t. And OF COURSE, we learn what a warg is in the same episode where we learn that Bran is a warg. How convenient.
- The intro sequence, although being artistically beautiful, is 1:42m long. Most of us stream and every additional minute is 5 additional waiting-minutes. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
- Who’s the next Downton Abbey cast member to join GOT? My money’s on Sybil.
- Although this is all fictional and it’s clearly gibberish, everyone would like to speak Valyrian and have an army of Dothraki. And your name will be Farrya Baratheon, originally of House Targaryen. No? Okay, it’s just me. I want dragons.
- This show makes your imagination violent. You imagine deathmatches between characters. For example, Catelyn Stark destroys Cersei and orders Brienne to off that Fire Priestess chick because there’s only one redhead in this realm *snaps in Z-formation* And the eunuch kills Lord Baelish because of the beautiful irony of it: Brothel owner, who’s nickname is “Littlefinger”, dies by the hand of a castrated dude.
- “Only the ladder is real. Climb is all there is.” Word.
- Sansa needs to stop being manipulated by sweet boobyful Marjorie. You all know she’s evil, did the Tudors teach you nothing? Natalie Dormer never plays a good person.
- “Why am I still watching this? Screw it, I’m gonna watch Scandal because I’m a gladiator in a suit.” – if this thought runs through your mind while watching an episode then we are on the same page and probably prefer stuff on the CW or anything with lots of guns and pinstripes.