99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

 

Bottle Of Beer In The Sand Looking Out To Sea

Courtesy of Stokpic

Impending nuptials have a way of seeping into the psyche of the parental layer of your inner circle. I get asked if I’ve found someone, if I’m talking to anyone new, if I’m “on the apps.” This, coming from your friend’s relatives, is less awkward than you’d imagine. It is rooted in good intentions but, time after time, it does weigh on you.

 

The accidental, additional pressure is intensified because I think about it too. I contemplate if my gut shouldn’t be trusted when I feel this match isn’t mine, if I wasted too many nights not making it my active mission to find my boo, if I’ve been doing it all wrong from the start. But you’re not allowed to voice concern on this search yourself because you’re a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man. And yet, those around you interfere and worry for you because you’re a strong, independent woman who, god forbid, don’t need no man.

The life I am proud of is like a case of beer with one bottle missing. How do you find that person that fits in with all the other bottles of your life? I have been assembling my crate for three decades. If I’m to make room for another bottle to complete my set, it needs to be a Limited Edition 200th Anniversary Guinness. I don’t actually care much for beer but the metaphor sticks: in order to accommodate their existence in the case that is your life, it needs to bring added value to your entire collection. I have been told that seeking this obscure Guinness is expecting too much. Are you destined to do it alone and fill that void with bubblewrap instead? Isn’t it still a void if filling it with an empty Corona doesn’t really make your box fuller in effect? Can you tell I’m working on a shipment of alcohol?

“You’re too picky. You’re too smart. Your standards are too high. You need to readjust your expectations. You’re picking crappy suitors. You’re not trying. You’re trying too hard. You need to put yourself out there. You need to stop and focus on yourself. You’ve got time. Stop thinking about it and it’ll happen. Aslan ma fi shabeb bil balad.”

I wonder about this gap because I’d like to buy the dual-pack of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for two. If I excise this wondering and assume that I’m destined for one box of Cheerios for as long as I walk this earth, have I carved out a vital organ from my torso? Does it mean I have one less badge from the girl scout sash of what I’ve accomplished? Does it affect the measurement of how much I’ve lived?

I want someone who knows buying throw pillows “to put on the guest bed” actually means they’re for building a sturdy fort on the balcony. I want to find the stabilizing Karen to my off-balance Hank Moody. I want to find my complementary dork and I’m not denying that. I want to share my porch swing but I’m not willing to strike a Faustian bargain in order to find a mate.

 

Screen Shot 2018-02-17 at 10.34.23 PM

Still from Californication

 

It has led me to this thought: it may not be in the cards for me. It could be that I’m supposed to be alone. I don’t say it as a cry for pity or from a feeling of running out of time as a result of turning 30, that societal deadline of expected self-establishment. I don’t say it out of fear of being the only name on all the wedding invitations to come. Accepting this as my possible status quo from now on is healthier than wondering if something is missing whenever a friend’s mother asks if I’m still single. Right now, I am alone.

Except I’m not.
My case is pretty full, lhamdilla, and I’ve always liked bubblewrap.

Advertisements

Foreigners’ Responses to “I’m From Beirut”

IMG_4466

So do you live near the terrorists?”

“Ohhh, a Lebanese girl. Hellllllo.”

“Yeah, I’ve been to Dubai once.”

“So you speak Lebanese or Arabic?”

“OH BEIRUT. I LAAAAAV BEIRUT.”

“You speak Arabic? That’s sexy.”

“Hummus!”

“Really? But your English is so good.”

“I am also from zere.”

“My grandfather is Lebanese but I haven’t been back since 2005.”

“My mother has Lebanese heritage but I’m too afraid to go there.”

“23&Me says I’m 4% Middle Eastern!”

“I’ve had that Moozar wine.”

“Ouuuuuu that’s different. What’s that like?”

“Really? What were you doing there?”

“That must be SUCH a long flight. I could never do that. 4 hours tops for me.”

“I like Lebanese men.”

“So how’s that trash thing going?”

“Do women have to wear that thing?” *does circular motion around face*

“Yikhrib baytik 3arifit 2ennik 3arabiyyeh! Laike tfaddale la 3andna 3al mat3am hon 3al yameen.”

Bambi Recommends: Los Angeles Spring 2018

I was sad to hear that the Museum of Broken Relationships has become the Museum of Illusions. There’s some symbolism there but an Instagram-trap-of-a-museum is probably more appropriate for Hollywood Blvd anyway.

IMG_9214

Petersen Automotive Museum
I’m not a car pro but I can appreciate the history and beauty of automobiles as far as design and legacy go. The Petersen is a curated collection of cars but the visit is nothing without adding the extra ticket to the Vault. There, you will get an in-depth walkthrough of their private collection in the basement plus all the juicy stories that go with them. Keep an eye out for the glorious Bugatti that was gifted to the Shah by the USA. If you don’t want to fork over the extra cash though, there’s a Porsche exhibit currently on display on the entire ground floor that will be on until early 2019.

And although I really wanted pizza, the burrata at the museum’s restaurant, Drago, is quite pretty and delicious. If you sit on the bar, you can watch the chefs make all the dishes and see each pizza as it’s pulled out of the brick oven while the cheese bubbles.

IMG_9161

Crumbs & Whiskers
A cat cafe located on Melrose Avenue, Crumbs & Whiskers welcomes walk-ins or you can book a 70 min session ahead of time. I say book a spot and go park early. Window shop through the vintage shops and check out the graffiti that litter the street until your appointment. Don’t drink at Starbucks. You can get a latte when with the kitties. All the proceeds go to saving them from euthanasia. There’s another C&W in DC too.

Wasteland isn’t your standard teeny vintage venue but it has got some good finds if you have the patience to dig. There are 3 other locations as well.

IMG_9541
Pasadena Antique Mall
Speaking of digging, this shop across from the city’s convention center is a treasure trove of reclaimed goodies. Another place that requires a keen eye and patience to inspect each vitrine, you will at least be entertained in the quest even if you’re not looking for anything in particular.

You can also have lunch at Le Grande Orange Cafe, an eatery housed in the restored Santa Fe railway station. I love trains.

IMG_9633
LA Conservancy: Union Station Walking Tour
Speaking of trains, I checked in with the LA Conservancy again to see what walking tours were left to do and found the one dedicated to Union Station. The structure that’s a Spanish Mission revival with Art Deco elements, the Union Station combined 3 main railways into one in order to be the hub of Los Angeles transportation. Acoustic cement tiles line the walls and the ceiling so no sound escapes and light pours into the main ticketing area through fogged glass panels. It’s a wondrous mix of marble, tiles, and geometric symmetry and there are art pieces in the newer half that are dedicated to the diversity of LA.

The Fred Harvey restaurant housed there is under renovation and will be converted into a brewpub. Our docent used it as an example of how the LA Conservancy is successful in preserving landmarks: giving them a new contemporary purpose while keeping their original design rather than just being saved and costing the city money on “wasted” real estate by being left empty without actual use.

IMG_9078

Egyptian Theatre Tour
The theatre on Hollywood Blvd is one of Sid Grauman’s film babies. They occasionally give guided tours of the property so you can hear what the eccentric man had originally planned for the space versus what came to fruition like how it was supposed to be a Spanish style but he shifted to Egyptian just a few weeks before Tutmania gripped SoCal thanks to the discovery of King Tut’s tomb.

Before seeing a TCM film there, try to align it with a lecture by Kimberly Truhler. She’ll deep dive into a decade as part of her Style Essentials series so you can appreciate the connection between film and the fashion world. It will usually correlate with the film being shown that day. We got to see Top Hat, a Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers classic.

IMG_8266

Anaheim Packing House
Similar to Napa Valley’s Oxbow Public Market, this is a food court/market. It’s also in a restored citrus packing warehouse. There’s fatty, fried goodness or the more healthy Aleppo kitchen where you can get some legit tawook with rice, tabbouli, and hummus. Sometimes there’s live entertainment too.

ROADTRIP RECOMMENDATION
Daou Winery in Paso Robles

About a 3-hour drive from LA or SF, Paso Robles is the new up-and-coming wine region of California. Impressive cabernets are coming from the soils there but if you want Lebanese hospitality, food, and a full-bodied beauty, head to the Daou Vineyards tasting room. Having a seat out on the patio is enough to make you forget all about the drive.

Try the wagyu beef skewers with a glass of Mayote. Mom would say Eye of the Falcon but why pick one? If you can’t make it all the way out there, you can always stop by Wesley’s for a bottle of their Chardonnay. WINK WINK.